This Heart of Stone

From the Archives: "All I Gotta Say Is the Kids Don't Care"

2008-12-04T21:24:00.000-08:00

Another old classic from my less refined high school days, submitted without much comment. "New Age," by Blitz. Remember when punk thought it was the future? Yeah, that was pretty hilarious.

"And the kids on the street, and the kids everywhere, and all I gotta say is the kids don't care."

Blitz were never going win the Nobel Prize for Streetpunk Lyrics (which is usually dominated by Nelly Furtado, anyway.).

Track #98 on the player.

But In The 100th Year, I'll Be Right Back Here...

2008-11-09T21:21:00.000-08:00

I'm not sure if I love any song more than this one. I'm not quite sure what made me think of it after not posting for 2 months...perhaps it simply articulates something I'd like to say better than I ever could.

"The Dreaming Moon," by Magnetic Fields on Get Lost (1995)

with an ivory pipe and a cumberbund
in the dead of night on the Autobahn
with the long ago
on the radio
and the dreaming moon...

we were young and in love
in a burning town
but the fire went out
I'm alone again now
and I finally know
how cool to be cold
with the dreaming moon...

I'll begin again
with another new name
and a whole new life
full of fortune and fame
but in the 100th
I'll be right back here
with the dreaming moon...

Song #97 on the player. Maybe Stephin Merritt's most poignant song.

"I Blame It All On You, Because You Blame Me Too." Alternatively, A Bunch of Vancouver Punk Bands With Probably The Same Singer Or Whatever.

2008-09-11T11:52:00.000-07:00

Yes, it's been awhile. I will skip the verbosity and just post a weekly playlist. And that playlist is this: Current-->Punk Bands--From Vancouver, B.C.-->in which all the singers sound the same-->because it's probably the same guy.

To be totally honest, I'm not crazy about the guy's voice. Or the guys' voices. But somebody can write a hell of a little ditty, because these songs are pretty catchy.

First up is "S.O.S. Radioation" by Jeffie Genetic and His Clones. Very new wavey, sort of like Devo summarily executing Ric Ocasek and took over the Cars. Synths, weird vocals, a made up word called "radioation." You decide. Track #93.

Next up, by The New Town Animals, we have "Rock 'n Roll Scene." I'm not going to tell anyone that it reminds me of "Do You Remember Rock 'n Roll Radio" by the Ramones (by underhandedly mentioning it in order to say I won't discuss it. The perfect crime.). I don't believe this is actually the same singer as Jeffie Genetic, by the way. Maybe Vancouver has recently seized upon the whole "snotty" thing. In any event, I love the last minute of this song. If life were an unnamed brand of MP3 players, I would give this song 4 out of a possible 5 stars (because 5 means classic, 4 means good, 3 means average, 2 means I don't get it, 1 means I can't figure out why I put this on my brand name MP3 player). Track #94.

The final band, with two tracks, #95 & #96, is The Tranzmitors. This really is probably that guy from Jeffie Genetic, or else Jeffie Genetic should sue his ass. Apparently, the Tranzmitors are a "super group." Then again, so were Audioslave and Velvet Revolver, so maybe that term doesn't mean anything anymore.

Not to insult the Tranzmitors, of course. I like both of these songs very much. First up is "Why Don't Boys Cry," also synthy as all git out.

Finally, "Something's Going On." This is my favorite song of the bunch. Or, to make Colombie Britannique happy, favourite.

For some reason, bands like these always remind me of the Rezillos. They don't sound like them, but they're all a bunch of fucking weirdos. I mean that with love.

As they say in Vancouver, "wow, that's a lot of heroin junkies." Thank you.

"Grayer Than The Blood That Flows From A Snowman"

2008-09-01T09:58:00.000-07:00

You know, when you write a song called "Detatchable Penis," nobody will ever let you live it down.

I recently discovered the King Missile album They and liked it very much. The name King Missile did not ring any bells for me, for whatever reason.

I asked a friend of mine, "hey, you ever heard of this 80s avant garde kinda band King Missile?"

He said, a bit quizzically, "you mean the "Detachable Penis" guys?"

So, my quaint little "discovery" was ruined by the fact that, in 1992, John S. Hall wrote & recorded a borderline-novelty song.

Well, whatever. In 1988, They was released, and round about track 7, was the song "Margaret's Eyes," which makes me wish I knew more people named Margaret.

"Grayer than the cigarette falling on the sofa, these are Margaret's eyes..."

Track #92 on that player over there. Detachable Penis, indeed.

Atlanta, GA: Home of 1906 Race Riots, Bands That Sing About Phone Booths

2008-08-30T22:28:00.000-07:00

A very short post after a very busy week. I will introduce you to one song, and then call 'er quits.

The Carbonas are famously known as Gentleman Jesse & His Men's real band. They are famously known as a band that plays frenetic garagey punk, and, famously, probably have seen Chipper Jones walking down the street at least once.

If you bring up William Tecumseh Sherman at one of their shows, they spit on you.

They also sing this song called "Phone Booth." And here it is. Track #91.

Big, Blusterly Southern Fried Rock from the Quaint Mississippi Community of British Columbia

2008-08-24T18:21:00.001-07:00

Just a quick post today from a band I had meant to include in some earlier playlist, but must have forgotten.

The band in question is Black Mountain, from Vancouver, British Colombia, Canada, which rumor has it is only a million minute drive from Tennessee.

Proggy southern rock. I guess. I don't know. "Proggy" and "southern rock" are not the same thing, but the combo still sounds right. Then again, people use "penultimate" wrong all the time, and I think "on accident" sounds correct, so don't take my word for it.

Personally, I think they'd object to the southern rock label, but they ain't here. And the song I've posted--"Stormy High"--is probably the most convincingly so dubbed. The fact that this whole embarrassing episode is betraying my ignorance of that genre aside, I can also just play it safe and call it psychedelic. That'd work too.

Anyway, it's a good song. So enjoy some traditional hickory smoked British Colombia Pacific salmon and a nice, full glass of bubble tea, and sing yerself a song 'bout bein' raised up down yonder in Port Coquitlam.

Woah Black Betty, wham-a-lam, indeed. Track #90 on the player.

This is a good band.

"Don't Need No Human Race": Alternatively, The Great First Tracks, v. VI. "Sonic Reducer" by The Dead Boys.

2008-08-20T12:09:00.000-07:00

Simply because my friends' band covered it, and I was about a year behind most of them on jumping on the punk rock bandwagon circa 1994, "Sonic Reducer" was one of the first punk songs I ever heard. I'm rather sure I'd heard others...knowing them, probably some Fugazi, Clash, and, somewhat out of left field, Splogeness Abounds. "Two pints lager and a packet of crisps please," indeed.

But the first track off of the Dead Boys' Young, Loud & Snotty made the most immediate impression on me. It still does. I find it to be one of the most powerful songs I've ever heard.

There is a small genre of songs that I absolutely love because, although it's difficult to articulate, it's almost as if I can feel society collapsing a little bit because of them. There are certain punk rock songs that seem as if they can make the world melt just a little, turn hypocrisy back on its perpetrators, show bullshit for what it is. Yes, there are certain punk songs that--more than any other genre of music--really do seem as if, for a brief moment, they can "tear the whole fucking thing down."

Of course, it's all an illusion, and the threat to all mankind is a bit overblown. Rather, they sink you into a pit of nihilism and misanthropy. But sometimes, misanthropy feels pretty damn good, when you need it. When you're in the right mood, it makes you feel powerful in your awfulness. It may be indulgent, but for fuck's sake, people need indulgences sometimes.

"Search & Destroy" by the Stooges does that. "Bullet" by the Misfits does that. "Bad Man" by the Cockney Rejects does it, "Borstal Breakout" by Sham 69 sure does. The cover of Wire's "Mr. Suit" by the New Bomb Turks kind of does it. They peel the paint off the walls. As much as it shames me to admit it (and believe me, it really does), maybe even "Fuck Forever" by Babyshambles does it too. Maybe I should delete the last sentence.

And "Sonic Reducer" does it most of all. This Dead Boys classic is not kidding around. It reminds me why, as much as I love Pavement, and Cat Power, and the Raveonettes, and Wolf Parade...that when I really need music that cuts through all the pretention and bullshit and to have a sheer, immediate, visceral impact on me, it's still this music I listened to when I was younger.

"Sonic Reducer" was actually written for Cleveland's own Rocket from the Crypt and not the Dead Boys, but was never recorded in the studio by that band. When Rocket from the Crypt broke up, Pere Ubu and the Dead Boys formed in its wake, and the Dead Boys recorded this for their debut album. The Dead Boys moved from Ohio to New York--a sin, if you ask me--but you have to go where the action is, I suppose. But it does give a little fuel to my theory that most of the artistic output NYC takes credit for is done by people from somewhere else. Then again, if you were to say that about Boston and the Pixies, I'd block my ears, hum to myself, and pretend not to hear you (but you'd still be right). The Ramones were really from New York, and The Real Kids were really from Boston, so let's call it even (though, that's really, really not "even," Bosstowne).

An anthem for angry losers everywhere, and still one of my favorite songs.

I don't need anyone

Don't need no mom and dad

Don't need no pretty face

Don't need no human race

I got some news for you

Don't even need you too

I got my devil machine

Got my electronic dream

Sonic reducer

Ain't no loser

I'm a sonic reducer

Ain't no loser

People out on the streets

They don't know who I am

I watch them from my room

They all just pass me by

But I'm not just anyone

Said I'm not just anyone

I got my devil machine

Got my electronic dream

Sonic reducer

Ain't no loser

I'm a sonic reducer

Ain't no loser

I'll be a pharaoh soon

Rule from some golden tomb

Things will be different then

The sun will rise from here

Then I'll be ten feet tall

And you'll be nothing at all

I got my devil machine

got my electronic dream

Sonic reducer

Ain't no loser

Got my sonic reducer

I ain't no loser

I said sonic reducer, sonic reducer

yeah, my sonic reducer, sonic reducer, sonic reducer...

Goddamn. Track #89 on the player over there.

Dedicated to Stiv Bators (RIP, and he was in the Water's movie Polyester, by the way), Cheetah Crome (who cowrote the song), and those other 3 dudes.

Previous entries in the great first tracks have been:

(I) "Disorder" by Joy Division

(II) "I Just Wanna Have Something to Do" by The Ramones

(III) "Ghost Rider" by Suicide

(IV) "A Salty Salute" by Guided by Voices

(V) "Ohio River Boat Song" by Palace Music

Oldies But Goodies.

2008-08-18T20:32:00.000-07:00

Here's just a quick post reintroducing a few songs I put up here way back when, but deleted because I thought the player o'er yonder could only handle a few at a time.

#84 & #85: "The Cops Are Comin'" & "Self Conscious Over You" by The Outcasts, from the Northern Ireland post.

#86: "Making Room for Youth" by Social Unrest, an early 80s California hardcore band.

#87: "Parasites" by Ugly Casanova, the Isaac Brock sideproject.

#88: "The Swimmer" by Frank Black & The Catholics.

If you'd like any of my verbose introductions, all of these songs were originally on playlists back in June in the ol' archives.

Boy, Don't It Drone.

2008-08-18T20:09:00.000-07:00

Herein I introduce you to a couple of bands that drone like nobody's business. The first drones like the Velvet Underground, the latter like My Bloody Valentine. If My Bloody Valentine droned. They kind of fuzzed. Maybe they did both.

First up, we have The Black Angels, from these states united. Austin, Texas, specifically. They are very, very good if you like this sort of psychedelic material, and I sure do.

Tracks #78, 79, & 80: "You On the Run," "Vikings," and "You in Color," all off 2008's Directions to See a Ghost.

Next up, we have a band from Leeds, Englandland, United Kingdom of Happablap and Northern Blahdiblah, that I just discovered, called The Manhattan Love Suicides. They drone and/or fuzz.

The first two tracks, #81 & #82 over yonder, are both originals off their self-titled debut, which I'm pretty sure came out this year. "Things You've Never Done," followed by "Skulls." How very nice.

Lastly, #83, they've done a nice if run-of-the-mill cover of a great Beat Happening song, called "Indian Summer." So here it is. This is also off their self-titled debut. "Indian Summer" is totally like my second favorite Beat Happening Song. My first favorite is probably "Bewitched," because it's stone cold. Yeah, Beat Happening were awesome.

Please to enjoy.

First of Many, Or at Least Some: The Rich White Males

2008-08-18T10:48:00.000-07:00

Okay, so I had a very busy week and was not able to update the ol' silly project (also, strangely, known as the capital of BrokenCYDE hits on the intrawebbing, which is kind of funny because I only mentioned them, disparagingly, once).

So, I'm probably going to put up a few posts today to introduce you to some halfway decent music.

First up: Over the last 8-10 months or so, I've slightly regressed back into a high school version of myself. I still like to hear Mirah gently weep about intimacy, certainly, but I also need to hear Glenn bellow about zombies on a regular basis too. In addition to revisiting some of the old classics (The Only Ones' self-titled debut being a particular favorite at the moment), I'm also actually trying to find undeceased punk bands that I actually like, all of which are probably comprised of musicians younger than I am.

So, I happened to stumble upon this band from San Diego called The Rich White Males, and I was pretty impressed. For some reason, the usual disclaimer (at least for me) is: "If I'd heard this in 1996 I would have loved it." And that's kind of defensive bullshit, honestly. I like it right now. I don't need to excuse that I'm merely recognizing what a 16 year old version of myself would have liked if only he'd lived this long. No, I like it. Me, the old man.

Pretty classic snotty pop punk fare fo the non-SoCal variety, which is good for me, and interesting because they're from as So in Cal as you can get.

First up, #76 on the playlist, is "Clean Up" off We Ain't No Musicians 7". Very catchy with a frenetic finale.

Next, we've got "Drop the Bomb," off the same 7", track #77 over yonder. I'm guessing it's a 7", anyway, because I got it off eMusic. See? I paid for it, calm down everybody.

"I don't care if they drop the bomb on me, I don't care if they drop the bomb, cuz at least they'll kill that girl," is how the latter goes, which kind of sums up the lyrical content of every song I listened to between 1994-1997.

Please enjoy. Tracks 76 & 77.

The Greatest Band in Sudbury History? Sorry, That Guy Who Plays Bass for Phish.

2008-08-06T13:32:00.000-07:00

And I don't even have to apologize to They Might Be Giants, because both Johns were actually from Lincoln, and went to Lincoln-Sudbury due to Sudbury's charity for its much smaller--and only slightly richer--neighbor.

In fairness, the frontman was from Mattapoisett, which, quite frankly, sounds made up. But the other 4 were all Sudslingtonbury, all the time. You can tell by their aloof demeanors, occasional harumphs, and general superciliousness.

Yes, I'm talking about the one and only The Lombardies.

This band proves a few points. One, that my dear old friends from home managed to put together a garagey pop punk band that could stand with any "real" band of that genre (a definition "real"=I didn't know them personally). If you like this stuff, this was a legit, good band. They got some kickass reviews. They put on a great show.

Point two: it goes to show that what the Black Lips said about "Bad Kids" ain't true. "Ain't no college grad kids"? This band counts among its members a neuroscientist, a Manhattan ad man (I think), and law review top-o-the-class lawyer type. My apologies to the other two blokes, but we've lost touch.

So, first up, here's the song "Bad Kids" from the Black Lips. It's a great song, but they never met The Lombardies. It has nothing to do with anything, but you can find it as track #71.

Or maybe they just weren't bad kids at all, which is more likely, but less fun to falsely reminisce about. I mean, now that I think about it, they were occasionally given a hard time by the crusty punks of the world (The McVeighs, August Spies, Pinkerton Thugs (edit: Whoops, I think I meant to say Toxic Narcotic...perhaps the first time in history anyone wrote "Pinkerton Thugs" when they meant T.N., etc., etc., I'm looking in your direction) for wearing khakis and 3 button shirts on stage. But in a way, that was more punk than trying to look like an extra in Return of the Living Dead. Remember?

Incidentally, The McVeighs' band name aged worse than any in history, other than the late, great 1914 glam metal band from Rostov-on-Don, Czarism is Here To Stay.

Incidentally, Return of the Living Dead is enjoyable for a sucker like me who manages to both be obsessed with zombies but fearful of blood and gore, and Juwanna Mann is in it.

On to their music: the first two tracks, if memory serves, were inspired by yours truly in some small way.

The first is called "Women Are the Problem," which I apparently said at some point. While I've now been beaten half to death by all these gender studies courses I keep being forced to take by the Commonwealth of Massachusetts as part of one of my several plea agreements, I might still say something like that occasionally. It is track #72.

The second song I'm posting is "Third Rail for You," which more or less derives from myself telling a young lass I knew that I should toss her on the "third rail" of Boston's own decrepit MBTA. You know, the one that electrocutes you. I was kidding, I swear. This song has a bit longer of a backstory: there were very briefly plans for me to front a band called The Plug Uglies. We were all going to wear suits and ties. Steve & I even sat down to try to start to write a few songs. One was "Who the Fuck is Mumia Abu Jamal?" inspired by the fact that I'd been handed literature about him and didn't know who he was. Yes, that's how songs get written, at least when I'm involved. I have since learned who Mumia Abu Jamal is, and I'll say this much: (a.) he didn't get a fair trial, due in part to systemic racism and a heavy bias against his radical activism; (b.) he totally did it anyway. Sorry. Track #73.

Long story short, it became apparent after our one recording session that this band wasn't going to work. I wasn't a musician. All I had to do was sing of course, but I think my voice hadn't dropped yet at 16. Not long thereafter, the Lombardies came along, those bastards. I have no recollection as to whether any part of my original lyrics or the original music for that aborted super group actually made it into this version, but I'm going to say a safe guess is no.

The next two songs have nothing to do with me, I swear.

"I Wanna Take Advantage of You Baby" and "Mystery Girls" are my two favorite songs by my ol' friends. Please enjoy. If I recall correctly, "Mystery Girls" is named after a long gone and temporarily minorly famous Cambridge, Mass. based punk radio show (from the 80s, maybe? I can't pretend to have ever heard it). And "I Wanna Take Advantage of You Baby" has led to every member of the band having restraining orders filed against them by everyone, ever. They can be found in positions #74 & #75 on that playlist.

I was never as dedicated to the Lombardies as I was to the previous entity with some of the members and a couple other friends of mine, The Grovers or Grover Clevelands. That is, I went to literally every Grovers show save one, and I didn't do that for the Lombardies. But they were really good. It has only dawned on me in the last few years that they were such a tight band and that actually going for it--at the age of 16-17, for fuck's sake--and recording an album that got pressed and got out there was awesome. So take your National Honor Society and shove it up your ass, losers, and try really accomplishing something for a change. Like coming up with an idea like "Third Rail for You," starting a band, having that band disband because you can't do anything, then having a new one take that idea and make an actual song out of it!!!

LOMBARDIES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

"My Heart's A Boat in Tow": Alternatively, The Great First Tracks, vol. V: "Ohio River Boat Song" by Palace Music

2008-08-05T14:19:00.000-07:00

When it's time from work to go, and in my boat I row, 'cross the muddy Ohio, when the evening light is falling...

There are few songs quite as beautiful as "Ohio River Boat Song," penned by Will Oldham--not for a Bonnie 'Prince' Billy album, not for a Palace Brothers, not for Palace Songs, and not even for Palace. No, this one is for Palace Music, dummies. There aren't many tracks I would use so flowery a word as "majestic," but this surely qualifies. You can listen to Track #70 on the player and find out for yourself. When Dave Eggers dreamed up the title for A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius, I'm guessing he must have been listening to what is--in my opinion--Will Oldham's finest moment of many fine moments. Other than his Union Army Lt. General beard circa 1863, displayed above, which would win any finest moment competition, not to mention a Rasputin lookalike content.

Most of the "great first tracks" (in old LP lingo: "track 1, side 1") have, y'know, kind of rocked. This song certainly doesn't rock.* (*Important footnote: Anyone ever heard "Over the Neptune/Mesh Gear Fox" by Guided by Voices off Propeller? It begins with a large crowd chanting "GBV! GBV!" It's then followed by this wonderful stage banter: "Is anybody ready to rock? This song does not rock." Anyway, that kind of sums up every indie rock show I've ever been to. But back to the point, huh?)

"Ohio River Boat Song" is a tremendous, slow, brokenhearted track that sets up the remainder of this collection of Palace Music singles perfectly, from "Come In" to "Lost Blues"...and who could ever forget the unforgettably named "Untitled [Live]"?

The lyrics remain powerful even without the music, which is something you can't say for a single Sha-Na-Na song.

When it's time from work to go, a

nd in my boat I row

'cross the muddy Ohio,

when the evening light is falling

And I look towards Floyd's Knobs,

where the afterglories glow

And I dream on two bright eyes with a merry mouth below

She's my beauteous Katerina,

she's my joy and sorrow too

Though I know she is untrue,

oh but I cannot live without her

For my heart's a boat in tow

and I'd give the world to know

If she means to let me go

as I sing the whole day through

Katerina, your lovely hair

has more beauty, I declare

Than all the tresses there

from Smoke Town to Oldham County

Be it black, red, gold, or brown,

let them hang to lengths below

They mean not as much to me

as a melting flake of snow

And her dance is like a gleam

of the sunlight on the stream

And the screeching blue jays seem

to form her name when screaming

But my heart is full of woe,

for last night she made me go

And tears begin to flow

as I sing the whole day through

Whenever I have to write a paper or read something ugly and technical, I think of this song...and when compared to the UCC, it becomes even more lovely. This song has brought some light into dark times, I'll say that much.

Bonnie Prince Billy, ya done good. Track 70 on the imeem player.

But I can't wait for them to lay some drum 'n bass shit on this track someday. That'll be sweet.

"And She Probably Lives in Tahiti": Alternatively, Another Pointless Jay Reatard Comparison

2008-08-03T20:48:00.000-07:00

So, Jay Reatard is pretty popular these days, I think. He's one of those very, very few punk rockers whom P*tchf*rk have anointed as being worthy of mention. That's not a surprise, an issue, or the point of this post--I just checked, and they listed the Ramones s/t album as the 23rd best of the 1970s, which even if everyone agrees numbering musical "bests" is pretty hollow, is insane. But they're more into that 70's Can bullshit, which is cool, just not really my cup of tea.

Anyway, Jay Reatard and The Black Lips have been given some attention, and I think that's because of their current indie-cred record labels (Matador (now, at least) and Vice respectively). So, even if you're more on the purely indie tip, you've probably heard of him. His current barrage of singles being released on Matador have been fairly highly spoken of, and there's been several attempts to compare him to those old greats of years gone by. I kind of agree with what seems to be the general sentiment that he sounds more like the English poppy punk bands of the 70s than the Ramones or their successors like The Queers. I've heard his original band sounded a bit more like that, but I've also heard they sucked (unverified...I've never heard them). I've had a friend mention that some of the better solo Jay Reatard tracks would slip into a Buzzcocks or Eater album without skipping a beat, and I think that's true.

But there's another old English punk troubadour that he reminds me of: Wreckless Eric. Or should I say Wreckless Eric! Please click this link to the picture, seriously.

In addition to being a power pop/punk solo artist, I just think they sound a bit alike. Wreckless Eric recorded his most well known material in the late 1970s, and his self title debut released in '78 really did have the cover that the link above leads to.

The first 3 songs are by Jay Reatard: Song #65 is "Nightmares" off 2006's Blood Visions, #66 is "It's So Useless" off 2008's Singles '06-'07 (as odd as that sounds to say), and #67, "Don't Let Him Come," is also off the compilation, which is a cover of Australia's own Go-Betweens.

Then we've got Mr. Wreckless himself. Both of these tracks are off his 1978 self-titled debut album. First, we've got "There Isn't Anything Else," which reminds me a lot of Mssr. Reatard, just a bit less herky jerky. It's track #68.

The second song has less of a kinship, perhaps, but it's the most famous Wreckless Eric song, occasionally appearing on the sountrack of a terrible comedy. It's called "Whole Wide World," #69 on the player, and I think it ranks in a comfortably within my favorite late 70s English power pop songs, along with "Another Girl, Another Planet" by the Only Ones (track #48 on this player), and "Teenage Kicks" by the Undertones. Yeah, this song doesn't really fit the whole comparison thing so well, but if I was going to bring up Wreckless Eric, Esq., I had to put up this song.

So yes, there you have it. If we're all about waste of time comparisons between some dude from Tennessee and who he might sort of remind you of or whatever, why not make room for this one?

When I Behave Nobody Cares, When I Behave Badly Nobody Dare...Cross Me...

2008-08-01T10:18:00.000-07:00

I felt like capping off the weak by adding a single track that I quite enjoy.

As you may notice, I don't spend too much time posting songs by or thoughts on currently hyped bands that have just dropped records. Plenty of other places do that far better and with far more dedication than I ever would. Besides, the bloggy bloggy hype thing is one of the reasons I secretly hate indie music anyway. For example, Black Kids were never good (sorry), so the recent change of heart by those P*tchf*rk idiots is not remarkable, even though it's all their fault that anyone ever heard of this band. Tapes 'n Tapes are as boring today as the day some asshole reviewer heard their first album and had his world strangely rocked, so the longevity of their popularity remains a mystery, and The Fiery Furnaces--as I have said before--are the worst band in the world.

So I don't really care to comment on just released material, unless I truly cannot control myself. Hence, I will be talking about a track from Islands' newest record Arm's Way, which is already at least 2-3 months old and is not exactly a hot topic. That's how I prefer it, personally.

For those who don't know, Islands is a Montreal band that emerged with 2/3 of The Unicorns, and is currently down to 1/3 of them. Trouble in paradise, you say? I don't know or care, because I don't find musical ensemble soap operas interesting. Chamber music quartets, yes. That being said, the lil' picture of the band I included is not accurate, as at least two of those dudes don't play with them anymore. They have at least two musicians who graduated from McGill's Faculty of Music, so on that count I suppose I should beam with pride.

The song, "I Feel Evil Creeping In" was introduced to me when I saw them live in support of their debut, Return to the Sea a couple of years ago. I thought it might end up as one of those live set songs that the band tires of when they actually get around to making their next record, so I was glad to see it make it's way onto this album, because it was one of the highlights of the show.

Demonstrating the lack of taste of everyone, I don't think this track made much of an impression on most people, which is funny, because it's the best song on the album.

I, on the other hand, love the steady build and the stone cold lyrics disinterestedly delivered.

You can find this song as Track #64--a/k/a the bottom--of the imeem player.

"Gotta Have You On My Wall": Interesting Cover Versions

2008-07-31T11:02:00.000-07:00

The rules for this week's themed playlist is cover versions that totally reimagine the original. Pretty simple. Johnny Cash has been left out of the discussion, not as any sign of disrespect to the Man Himself, but rather because you probably know it already, and it's a discussion unto itself.

Apparently, especially in the late 90s or beyond, many so-called punk bands did sarcastic covers of various old classics and 80s cheese. Their voices rife with sarcasm, they plowed through "Cherish" by Madonna (a band called The Peppermint Creeps, if memory serves) or "I Fall to Pieces" by Patsy Cline (Screeching Weasel, how could you?).

And then there's that band Me First & The Gimme Gimmes who are based around that idea. My opinion: No comment. And none of that kind of thing are up for consideration anyway, because it's too stupid. Sarcasm, as they say, is the lowest form of cover versions.

Well, one exception: Off 1975's The Dictators Go Girl Crazy, we have The Dictators doing "I Got You, Babe," by Sonny & Cher. Perhaps this was the instigation of that particular movement. Well, I may hold that against Handsome Dick Manitoba and the gang, but this is a pretty decent version. And really, can you hold Scary Move XXIV against Airplane? It's not their fault the concept was taken and destroyed. Well, maybe just a little bit their fault.

Up next, we have an old Bruce Springsteen classic, "Unsatisfied Heart"...but wha?!?!?!? Are those synthesizers and faux-Euro accents I hear? Yes, they are. This is by one of my favorite bands, Vitesse, an old "bedroom" outfit that has never played a show, as far as I'm aware. I'm not sure if they're even still together, they haven't released anything in quite some time. If you're wondering what this song is from, apparently it's a Born in the USA outtake available on some Brucey compilation or reissue or whatever. Maybe I shouldn't being calling it a classic then, but screw you. Anyway, the Vitesse version appears on 2001's What Can Not Be, But Is... album.

This one is fairly well known: "(I Can't Get No) Satisfaction," as done by ol' Cat Power herself on The Covers Record released in 2000. Do you need to know who did the original? Ummm, GWAR, probably. This is the second most unrecognizable-based-on-the-original version you'll hear on this list. I actually really like what she's done with this one, and if iTunes (uggh) downloads are any indication, it remains one of her more popular tracks. She's still fly, by the way, even if she's (by reputation) nuts.

Do you like The Ramones? Do you think these punky covers of wimpy songs is a one way street? Well, the wimps are fighting back. Here's The Postmarks with "7-11", originally on the Ramones' Pleasant Dreams. They're doing a whole series of wispy indie-pop covers of many different sorts of songs, and this is one of my favorites.

Here's My Morning Jacket covering Elton John's "Rocket Man"!!!!! I have no real comments to make on this one. They took the campy 70s hit, and recorded it in a tin can in Tennesstucky, and ain't it just smooth as silk.

Lastly, the Whiskey Daredevils play a lovely countryfried version of "Skulls." I'm not going to tell you who it's by if you don't already know. But you should probably know, or at least have a good guess after listening. But in this version you can hear the lyrics a bit more clearly, which would make one feel ill, I guess, if the music wasn't so lovely.

Tracks 58-63 on yonder playlist.

"Little Birdy, I Don't Care": The Difference Between Indie Pop & Punk...

2008-07-28T07:56:00.001-07:00

...must merely be what magazine likes you. Not that this actually matters, but the band I'm going to add a couple tracks by today is a "punk" band. They're called ShellShag and they're from Brooklyn (yes, another one. Apologies to you, and to myself).

Don't get me wrong--I happen to think they're pretty pleasant regardless of arbitrary classification. But they're a punk band because they were on MRR radio one time, I think. And The Constantines are an indie band because they'll never be on there, but show up to be pummelled, masturbated, and then pummelled while being masturbated by P*tchf*rk.

To come up with a slightly better parallel, I don't think there's too much of a difference between some of these ShellShag songs and songs by, say, Saturday Looks Good to Me (who I also like). Saturday Looks Good to Me are indie pop. Right? Is it just because ShellShag say the name Joey Ramone in "Gary's Note"? What if Camera Obscura just names Stiv Bators in some song about being depressed in Scotland, will that help?

I'm being a little dishonest, if only because ShellShag have some tunes that are slightly heavier. It's called cherrypicking, and it's how I get things done, because I have no scruples.

The songs by ShellShag are "Gary's Note" and "Little Birdy" off 2007's Destroy Me I'm Yours. For comparison's sake, the songs by Saturday Looks Good to me are off 2003's All Your Summer Songs and are called "Ambulance" and, well, uh, "[Untitled]." They're from Ann Arbor, Michigan. Go Demon Deacons!

Tracks 54-57 on that thar playlist.

Sometimes, It Really Is Free: Forest Fire EP

2008-07-25T08:20:00.000-07:00

I was poking around the other day and happened to catch wind of a free EP called Survival from a Brooklyn, NY (as opposed, of course, to Brooklyn, Tanzania) outfit called Forest Fire.

Now, my general opinion of Brooklyn is well known. And it's not because of Boston baseball, either. All those clowning post-college hipsters offend my New English austerity. As to the clowning charge, my evidence: Neon clothes and Max Headroom inspired sunglasses [even though he didn't wear any], skinny jeans and garish sneakers. Oh, you kids today. Anyway, I've gone off on a tangent. My apologies to Forest Fire, who probably have nothing to do with any of that and just wanted to make nice music for the nice people...unless they do in fact dress like BrokenCYDE. And it's really not their fault that The Yeah Yeah Yeahs have to exist (for some reason) anyway, so perhaps I should drop this whole Brooklyn issue. From the sounds of things, I'm guessing they do not dress like BrokenCYDE, who aren't even from New York anyway, incidentally...they're from New Mexico. And they kindly made a very strong EP available free of charge.

In yonder imeem player, please find tracks entitled "Fortune Teller" and "I Make Windows." Hey, and pay them back if they come to your town by going to the show, that's how this whole "free of charge" thing is supposed to work. If they happen to come to Boston, show them our Yankee hospitality as they try to entertain us by uncomfortably clapping (clapping is not dignified), and greet their stage banter with ten yard stares.

If you want these freebies (and a few others) for yourself: http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendID=42401093

Tracks 52 & 53 on that there player.

"Stand Up Tall And Scream And Shout About It": Songs of the Week

2008-07-24T08:01:00.000-07:00

This week's short playlist revolves around planets, not unlike forest moons and/or space garbage.

Up first, we have a live version of one of the greatest power pop punk anthems of all time: "Another Girl, Another Planet" by The Only Ones off their 1978 self-titled debut. This song is so excellent, Blink 182 tried to ruin it by covering it several years ago. It's so excellent, there are 2 entries on iTunes which rank higher by that accursed band than the original Only Ones version. B****-1** almost succeeded in destroying this song, but not quite. I've said it before: of the postmillenial (no, not the return of Jesus. Unless he came back in 2000, but I don't recall that) pop punk bands that once and for all killed the genre, I find Blink 182 one of the least objectionable. Hey, they can be pretty catchy without being 100% ball-less (only about 85%).

But you remember what a crap band they actually are when you hear them cover a song and quite literally strangle all of the life out of it. I hear their version of this classic, and I want to kill them. I've only heard their cover recently, and it's so clean, crisp, and without any personality whatsoever it's almost tragic, but entirely unexpected from the standard bearer of the current crop of personality-free SoCal style pop punk bands. However, not to worry. The Only Ones are about to teach you why this song has had such staying power. Just check the imeem player o'er yonder. To give myself away completely, I will confirm that I consider this to be one of the greatest songs ever recorded.

Next up, we have a somewhat internationally obscure band, but fairly well known in their native Ozzy, The Scientists. The Saints and Radio Birdman were more famous, but The Scientists recorded some fine material. The song is "Pissed on Another Planet" off an early EP of the same name they recorded in 1979 but wasn't released until 1990. The Scientists are a garagey pop punk band from Perth, Australia, also known as "you could travel a million miles in any direction and still be nowhere" City.

Next, Montreal ska revivalists The Planet Smashers. Please, don't kill yourself by puking yet. Ska revival is pretty worthless. Even the good bands are pretty bad. That being said, of that genre, the Planet Smashers are probably the best I know of. The song is "Blind" off their 2001 album No Self Control. I remember when this video would come on MusiquePlus when I was living in Montreal. The video featured Japanese anime cats. See?: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IyMubC9vgPc

I've always really liked this song, even though I fully understand I'm not allowed to like 3rd Wave ska revival and in general I support that position.

Lastly, "3rd Planet" by Modest Mouse, off 2000's The Moon & Antarctica. Of popular Modest Mouse songs, this one isn't a favorite. But when faced with an arbitrary playlist theme of one's own creation, what can one do but give in? And who is one? Is it me? I just blew my own mind.

Planets. See? I told you. Tracks 48-51 on the player to your upper right. And only this not-great MM song is a mere 30 second clip.

The Great First Tracks, v. IV: "A Salty Salute" by Guided by Voices

2008-07-20T20:42:00.000-07:00

1 minute, 29 seconds that introduced me to Guided by Voices during my first year of college. The first track on their 1995 masterpiece, Alien Lanes. Some people think the masterpiece is 1994's Bee Thousand, but some people also thought Tito successfully defeated Balkan nationalism. Not that I'm talking smack about a fine album, incidentally.

I was just coming off my weird in between years...I wasn't following punk anymore, had listened to early Bob Dylan and Pogues records virtually exclusively for a year and a half. But I was getting bored with my music and didn't know where to turn...the occassional pop punk album I bought during that weird first fall in Montreal were usually mistakes (later, cynically cashing in on teenagers Screeching Weasel...nuff sed...but did occasionally lead to a great discovery, like the virtually unheard of Basement Brats from a town in nothern Norway). I sort of liked Pavement in high school, had a soft spot for Dinosaur, Jr., but was essentially ignorant of this "indie" thing. And also a little hostile. While hippies may seem the natural enemy of people who spend a lot of time listening to the Dead Boys, I think the real answer is indie kids: like our cooler, better looking cousins, I suppose I thought at the time.

And kind of still do. But that's another story.

But anyway, I had heard of this band "Guided by Voices" forever. I would occasionally observe one of their albums...probably Bee Thousand and Alien Lanes, actually, in Newbury Comics when I was heading in to buy, oh I don't know, another fucking Furious George 7 inch. I remember at the time I got them confused with God is My Copilot, and I'm pretty sure I mistakenly thought they were some pointless Kill Rock Stars band.

I still remember where and when I bought this album back in 1998, because it was in many ways my real entryway into the shit I've been listening to since then. I had a Pavement album or two, but this was probably my first really conscious indie purchase. I was at the HMV on Rue Sainte Catherine of all places in downtown Montreal (a/k/a my least favorite part of the whole city...), and I really wanted to hear something new. Forgive my very tinny sounding old man moment, but this was at a time where a quick sample on the internet to see what a band sounds like was either not possible, or I simply had no idea such a thing existed. I saw the cover of Alien Lanes, which always made me think they might be an Afro-fusion calypso band. But I decided to take the plunge anyway. It was either that or, I dunno, probably the Lillingtons or something, so I feel very confident I made the right decision.

I took the Metro back to my much-loathed first year residence on Lionel-Groulx (a street named after an infamous Quebecois Catholic anti-Semite, but I don't wanna talk about it), gingerly made my way through one of my roommate's coke and weed mountains (I may be mentally exaggerating, but I can no longer say for certain), and put this in my ol' trusty 3-CD changer.

The smell of stale roomie weed and crusted over Kraft dinner in the sink, and perhaps the sounds of this album were additionally joined by those of our apartment's fruitflies making love...

Disarm the settlers
the new drunk drivers
have hoisted the flag
we are with you in your anger
proud brothers
who do not fret
the bus will get you there yet
to carry us to the lake
the club is open
yeah, the club is open
hey hey, the club is open
c'mon, c'mon, the club is open
c'mon, c'mon, the club is open
c'mon, c'mon, c'mon, the club is open

"A Salty Salute" is not the best Guided by Voices song. Not by a long shot. I can't even imagine what my answer would be (although "Game of Pricks" or "My Fabulous Hunting Knife" off this record, "Quality of Armor" off 1992's Propeller, "I Am A Scientist" off Bee Thousand, "Drag Days" off Under the Bushes Under the Stars...you know what? Never mind.)

What was I saying? Oh yes, "A Salty Salute" is not the best GbV song. But it may be the best introduction. Short, anthemic...it sounds like something Pete Townshend should have written, if only the Who liked to record inside tin cans. While the lyrics printed above may cause the uninitiated to scratch their heads, the words of "A Salty Salute" also happen to make a hell of a lot more sense than those of the average Robert Pollard song. Enough so that you could actually get away with singing along without feeling embarrassed by the nearly meaningless gobbledy-gook coming out of your mouth.

By the way, I'm sure I'll get to this at some point in the future: Robert Pollard has some great tunes in him, but Tobin Sprout is one of the most underrated songwriters I can think of. In addition to loving most of his GbV material when he was in the band, I also own all of his solo work (generally spottier, but with some really great highlights).

Sorry to say this was again a 30 second clip. But the song is only about a minute long anyway, so it ain't such a big deal.

To sum up so far: v. I: "Disorder" by Joy Division; v. II: "I Just Wanna Have Something To Do" by The Ramones; v. III: "Ghost Rider" by Suicide; v. IV: "A Salty Salute" by Guided by Voices.

"No, I Never Will Hate You, I Just Want To Show You the One Truth"; Alternatively: California, the Good, Bad & Ugly

2008-07-17T21:42:00.000-07:00

"California holds a vital place in the American imagination."
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I don't really know what the American imagination is, and if I have one of those, or if it's some kind of collective consciousness stored with the launch codes in a mountainside in Colorado, but that sounds like the sort of thing someone would say in a situation like this. All I know is this week's songs are all about the Golden State.
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Up first, a beautiful song written by Wilco, using lyrics Woody Guthrie never got to use, from the truly classic Mermaid Avenue album by the aforementioned band and Billy Bragg. If not for an absolutely awe inspiring track entitled "Way Over Yonder in the Minor Key," one of my favorite songs ever recorded, this song would steal the scene from the ol' Bard of Barking. After hearing a song like "California Stars," who wouldn't want to get in their car, forget their Eastern troubles, and spend some a pensive lifetime in the Redwoods, looking skywards? Yes, driving from the East to those California Stars these days might cost a year's salary per fill up, but Woody Guthrie don't care none. Cuz he's dead. Isn't California the epitome of our collective American dream, not to mention the "vital place it holds in the American imagination?"
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Well, don't listen to the next song, then. Exeter, New Hampshire's own The Queers were just about fed up with all this California bullshit when Grow Up came out in 1990. Joe King reminds us all that, with his muddled thinking after spending some time on the Left Coast (perhaps with the aid of some heroin), that he "must have Coppertone on my brain."
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"So goodbye California, it's really been nice. Goodbye California, goodbye California, wake up or die." For what it's worth, this remains my favorite Queers song of all time. Come to think of it and looking around this list (and some very famous songs left off), songs about that megastate on the left part of the map have several standouts.
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So, Joe and the boys didn't care for California. Fuck it, Nantasket Beach is just as beautiful as Malibu in a way, if by "in a way" you mean you love watching syringes that washed down the Mystic River from a Chelsea methodone clinic wash ashore. That's a long trip, guy.
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Yeah, so the syringes aren't sounding so hot, and the North Atlantic is like 40 degrees in July. Maybe, despite "Goodbye California," I can make my peace with California. Wait? What? The Showcase Showdown didn't like it either? But isn't "213" simply vaguely anti-West Coast and never explicitly mentions the state of CA? What's that? You just wanted to find an excuse to play Boston's finest 90s punk band? Fine.
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I'm off California. It certainly doesn't make me feel in a dreamlike state where anything is possible, including but not limited to prog rock. But then I hear "California Dreamer" by Wolf Parade, off At Mount Zoomer, and at such a convenient time. This is may be my favorite track off the new album, but it is, in fact, VERY prog, and not for everybody. You need to be patient with it, listen to it a few times, and maybe you'll dream of California your own damn self.
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Up 5th (yes, this is a longer list), a truly lovely Frank Black solo track called "California Bound," from which this post gets one of its several titles. What many people don't know about ol' Black Francis Frank Black Charles Thompson IV is that he was raised by a very religious stepfather in southern California. That certainly influenced his songwriting, including this song. What many people do know is virtually every Pixies song includes references to either violence, sex, or weird biblical imagery, often all three. This song seems to be the story of born agains on a conversion campaign through California. No violent apocalypse. Well, except maybe at the end when he says "God willing I won't put you in the ground."
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Up 6th, one of the greatest and sadly forgotten punky poppy new wave tracks. Forgotten, that is, by most people who were not 20, into New Wave, and living in Los Angeles in the early 80s. "The Earthquake Song," by The Little Girls. I love this song. Whenever I start to forget why, as a child, I ever started to listen to music in the first place, it's songs like this that remind me why I do. Dumb, fun, and even makes a boring wallflower like myself want to move, at least a little. It includes some of the most ridiculous lyrics ever, including:
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There's gonna be an earthquake in this town
there will be houses falling down
the fire hydrants will blow up
the streets will crack, the pipes will pop
it's gonna kill my mom and dad
they are the only folks I have
but they better not blame me, cuz it's not my fault!
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Despite my irrational New English fear of constant, deadly earthquakes, makes me want to move out there so maybe I too, can "hope I don't wipe out in East LA."

So how about "California Uber Alles" by The Dead Kennedys instead? Do you know what this song is? It is the most dated track of all time, and it's meaning doesn't age well or make much sense. Sure, "Johnny Are You Queer?" by Josie Cotton hasn't aged well either for different reasons, but this one is laughable to anyone who knows anything about anything. Picture this: you're Jello Biafra. It's the very late 70s. You've grown quite tired of the vaguely hippie, but still corporate-affirming and status quo of the Jerry Browns of the world, and the ineffectual feel good of Jimmy Carter. The hippies are going to take over, and make everyone a soupy brained conformist, right? That's coming round the bend? No, dear, dear, stupid DKs. Ronald Fucking Reagan was coming around the bend, and now we're all in hell.
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Still a pretty raging classic, though.
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Lastly, "Sink with Kalifornija" by Youth Brigade, released in 1984. It may be the greatest Youth Brigade song ever. In my estimation, that's not really saying anything. Good song, though.
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Enjoy. Tracks 39-46 on that there player to the upper right. Scroll to the bottom, or listen to some past additions if you like. Yes, that was 8 songs.
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Honorable mentions: "California Girls" by the Beach Boys, everything else ever by the Beach Boys, another "California Girls" by Magnetic Fields, "California Dreamin'" by the Mommas and the Poppas (beyond beautiful...especially how smoking Michelle Phillips was in those days...and she co-wrote it!), "San Bernardino" by the Mountain Goats, "California Sun" by The Rivieras and the Ramones cover version, and let's just pretend that Tupac & Dre song too, even though I don't like that one.

Unforgiveable; Alternatively: The Secret Shame; Alternatively: The Most Cliched Subject Of All Time

2008-07-15T19:50:00.001-07:00

A short collection of bands--or, in certain cases simply individual tracks by bands that aren't themselves completely unredeemable--that I am ashamed to like.

Please don't get me wrong. Again, at least one of these artists aren't so terrible as to merit such self-loathing, but the song sure as feck is. Another band present has a legion of followers and the song listed is one of their most popular songs--but all of those people are wrong, and I'm ashamed of myself. Anyway, let's not belabor this any further.

It's not that I love any of these songs (that's not true--I do love one of them, but I won't tell which), but rather I feel myself enjoying them when they're on, matched with an equal or greater part of sickness that I imagine is akin to gettin' off the horse, if we're speaking the same language, you and I. If they come on the radio, I'm not changing the channel, but turning it up--unless the windows are down and I hit a red light with other humanoids within earshot, in which case I'd turn it way, way, way down.

Let's lay down some ground rules. When I say ashamed, I mean ashamed. Personally upset with myself. Not embarrassed due to the idiocy of my peers. For example, nothing by Alphaville makes this list, because despite the fact their brand of synthy pop is considered rather passe, they were actually a good band. "Jerusalem," Big in Japan," "Fallen Angel," even "Forever Young," all good songs from a genre that was not long for this world (even the current wave of synthy stuff and that which came about earlier this decade were nowhere near as ball-less as this). Speaking of which, Belinda Carlisle type shit doesn't count either. Telling someone not to get some kind of sugar rush off the hooks in those 80s pop songs is not unlike giving someone a crack pipe but insisting that when that sweet, sweet rock hits their lungs, they will themselves into not getting high. It's a trick, those songs, but the trick works. You can't will yourself unhigh when crack's in the equation, y'know? So they don't count either, I'm as helpless a victim as anyone else.

I will leave them unlabeled, forcing people not at work computers to hit the Youtube links to see what is being referred to. In no particular order:

#1: http://youtube.com/watch?v=E14difCPvtA
This is not an unredeemable band, despite the last, oh, 20 or so years. Believe me. Their first five albums all stand up if you have any affection for "classic" rock. Well, I did in middle school. In any event, while you can argue with me on my position on the early career of the band in question, you can't argue with me on this point: this song sucks. It's really, really awful. I'd almost go as far as to say it's everything that's wrong with everything, but that leaves out genocide, so maybe it's an overstatement. But if this song happens to come across a Sirius channel, I'd let it play. I like the guitar during the chorus. This song was once, in about 1993 or so, in my collection. It is no longer, because if I ever put it on the ol' Mp3 player, I'd never forgive myself. Especially if I rated it 5 stars.

#2: http://youtube.com/watch?v=ZZZADbubu0Y
During my frosh week (what the shit is a "frosh"?) back in 1998, we took a St. Lawrence river cruise sponsored by Molson, because you can drink at 18 in Quebec (actually, you can drink at 3, as long as a cop's serving you). On that boat cruise, they played this song. Everyone from Boston who happened to be entering the Queen of the Colleges seemed kind of pumped or something--as if this song proved to these poor, poor Canadians how tough the ol' home city is (even though we were from, like, Sudbury, Wellesley and Dover). However, this group is not from Boston. Not even a little. Additionally, they're from Long Island. Even more additionally, this song is stupid.

#3: http://youtube.com/watch?v=m4jLHxbX3NA
Ugh. They say 1995 was better than today, and by they, I usually mean me, but in disguise. I've heard this is called "post-grunge." I've also heard that if you were to compare this song to any of it's popular equivalents released between probably 1999-2008, it might win in a bloody barfight. Well probably, but that's more of a condemnation of popular music for the last decade than a compliment to this song. I hated this song at the time, but I was at the height of my punk rock attitude problem about music in '95. But even then, as now, I can't help but want to put it on repeat if I happen to hear it. The lead singer's a douchebag, the song seems to simply be a Xerox of a thousand other songs, and it stinks of phony. But you can't fight city hall, or whatever they call city halls in the UK (hint: Castle Greyskull).

#4: http://youtube.com/watch?v=AfhiNBC9yM4
I really have nothing to say. This CD was discovered in my car more than once, where I sheepishly laughed it off. I mean, it's kind of post modern or something. "We can like him because it's all a joke, right?" I don't think he's joking, and even if he was, it wouldn't matter. Here's something that isn't a joke: Pitchfork gave this album a rating of 0.6, maybe not literally their lowest rating ever, but definitely the lowest I've ever seen. Not that they make the rules, man: they like the Fiery Furnances, for fuck's sake, a 0.0 album outfit if ever I've heard one. But they were probably right on this count. This is kind of outrageous: if it's a joke, I'm getting awfully tired of PoMo jokes like this, and if it isn't...well, queue shocked silence. But this song kind of kicks ass. I don't like people to know I think so, or else I laugh it off in exactly that jaded, sarcastic manner which annoys me so much.

#5: http://youtube.com/watch?v=8jJWQkVgDs4
I have very little to say about this one. In certain ways, it is the most embarrassing addition to the list. And the more recent a truly awful song you've found some space in your head for, the harder it is to brush it off as a lark or rescuing something from years gone by that got a bad rap it didn't deserve. This song deserves it's bad rap: it's almost everything I hate about the pop punk that came about after my Queers, Screeching Weasel, et al, heyday of the stuff. It's flimsy, flabby, worthless crap. On top of that, the guy's voice is truly horrible. Beyond horrible. It's hard not to get annoyed by this song. For what it's worth, the part that I like is not the verses but the chorus, not that this will help me out too terribly much.

#6: http://youtube.com/watch?v=ZpUz5zXywhY
Maybe the most predictable addition to the list, and for that reason I almost didn't consider adding it. I mean, who wouldn't roll their eyes at themselves for liking this song for the last 34 odd years? It's a punchline in romantic comedies to love/hate this band--although I really don't like the band, only this one song. It's nothing new, and there's nothing else to say about it. However, I do have a confession: I have this song on my iPod, which is in itself unremarkable and not really worth mentioning. But it is literally the only song "hidden" on the entire thing. And I have some shit songs on there ("Back for Good" by Take That comes to mind). Yet, this is sort of like that old standup comedy set up about hiding your computer porn in a file named something like "2003 State Tax Forms." It is hidden in a very weird place, actually, as the band it's hidden under is maybe more embarrassing than this one. Quick hint: they're also on this list. Not named "2003 State Tax Forms," but that sounds like a good idea.

#7: http://youtube.com/watch?v=qQfqSWe8eVE
This song played at my Bar Mitzvah. It played at alot of Bar Mitzvahs in 1993. At another Bar Mitzvah, in fact, I won a cassette single of this song during a dance contest. I can't believe it either. A friend and I briefly considered dressing up like this band for senior dress up day in high school (I believe some primitive cultures call that Halloween), only to see if anyone would still remember and recognize the effort. I'm undecided as to whether this song is good enough to not have to feel ashamed of. Give me another few years to mull it over--it's only been about 15 at this point, and I don't want to rush anything.

#8: http://youtube.com/watch?v=Qcaf0UJNfCM
I'm not sure if this one counts. Not only because it's clearly not exactly pop music, but because it has at least or more to do with the context than the piece of music itself. I mean, it's basically just a lovely little piano ditty, and there's no real reason to feel too much pain over enjoying it. But it's where it COMES FROM. It's what it represents. It's why I know it, and why it makes me sad to hear it. The composer of this piece also adds to this challenging context: he writes swelling, overly sentimental pieces of music for a lot of movies, not just this one, with the intention of forcing you to sniffle even if the screenwriting and performances don't seem to quite merit it. And it works. Sniffle.

#9: http://youtube.com/watch?v=5NEE8oURdM0
Some people would be outraged that I've placed this band, and this song, on a list like this. It's sort of crazy, if you grew up a little differently than I did. But I grew up in a certain Massachusetts suburb, and went to a high school that might very well have been the basis for Dazed & Confused, at least while I was there. I was listening to the Dead Boys at the time, so I wasn't quite driving at that speed. I can't stand hippie shit, even today. Actually, it's funny, because a lot of what I listen to now is only one step removed from this very sort of hippie music...but that one step is essential for my fragile psyche. So, despite the fact that I like Band of Horses, My Morning Jacket, even some Devendra fucking Barnhart, I loathe this band. I can't help it. And this song & video says so much about why. But it is the one song by this band (literally the one and only) that I will listen to, and while protesting, for some reason never change the channel. Just keep my hand hovering above the button, fakin' like I'm about to "put myself out of my misery," but letting these old bastards do their bullshit first, as I kind of half-appreciate it, if only for a couple minutes.

#10: http://youtube.com/watch?v=n47OvuvRuAU
Oh, fucking whatever.

America, America Is Killing Its Youth: The Great First Tracks, v. III--"Ghost Rider" by Suicide

2008-07-13T19:06:00.001-07:00

Alas, the version on yonder player (track #38) is only a 30 second clip. Hence, this helpful YouTube link to the real deal: http://youtube.com/watch?v=a224CkygvR4

If you thought the Ramones must have sounded like something new-yet-familiar when their first album came out, I wonder how people reacted to Suicide. Many of their songs could have been recorded in 1958, but they're sparse, electro, weird...and lest I forget to mention it, Alan Vega seems kind of--how to put this in order not to disrespect artists--well, offputtingly insane.

As they often like to say, nobody ever liked Suicide, but they seemed to influence everybody. Even Bruce Springsteen was supposedly a fan.

Track 1, Side 1, 1977's self-titled debut album: "Ghost Rider." This song always rids me of those inconvenient annoyances known as feelings, as all sparse, dark, synthie numbers are known to do. The needle hits the vinyl, and your greeted with something that sounds like an evil, sociopathic, futuristic version of doo wop and 60s boy bands (edit: actually, I don't know what I was talking about. That may be true of other Suicide songs, but not this one. I'd prefer to say it's like a cyborg Eddie Cochran writing the themesong for that bad guy in The Terminator). I don't know in what other way to describe it. I should mention, as hard as it is for many people to understand, that "Ghost Rider" is one of my favorite songs. I listen to this on my headphones as I go about my day and I feel badass. And I'm really, really, really not. Odd, maybe.

The first and most famous of the New York No Wave bands, and pretty much the only one I ever liked. To which people say, but the Liars are kind of No Wave! To which I say: exactly. No Wave is way too New York, way too arty, and way too dumb. But hey, Suicide were pretty good! Have you ever heard "Cheree"? It's kind of like if Frankie Valli was German, got addicted to heroin, and sang a 4 Seasons song in an alley behind ABC No Rio for a couple of quarters. Quarters with which to buy smack.

Which reminds me: enjoy "Ghost Rider"!!! This song is--to demonstrate how articulate I can be about music--really intense. Again, try the Youtube version, imeem screwed me: http://youtube.com/watch?v=a224CkygvR4

Ghostrider, motorcycle hero

Bebebebebebebe he's lookin so cute

Sneakin round round round in a blue jumpsuit

Ghostrider motorcycle hero

Bebebebebebebe he's a-blazin away

Packing stars stars stars in the universe

Ghostrider motorcycle hero

Bebebebebebebe he's a-screaming the truth

America, America is killing its youth

Bebebebebebebe he's a-screaming away

America, America is killing its youth

Ghostrider

Wherein I Introduce To You The Dumbest Article Ever To Appear On A Music Website

2008-07-11T08:34:00.001-07:00

Sweet merciful Jesus, Popmatters.com. You've really outdone yourself this time.

I occasionally visit that website. Only occasionally, because I'm of the opinion that while pretention is generally an ugly characteristic, it can be pulled off if you actually have taste to back it up, and ol' Popmatters most certainly do not. So, they can continue to do Cultural Studies backed breakdowns of 4 Non-Blondes remasterings (what does it MEAN, in a post-Foucauldian framework, to BE a "non" blonde? And what is this thing I speak of, to "be"?). Or perhaps just tell us what sociologists might observe in Kung Fu Panda, followed by a discussion of "the new textualism," whatever the fuck that means.

In any event, now I'm actually pissed off, because the following link is just about as dumb (and did I mention pretentious?) as anything I've ever read about punk music.

http://www.popmatters.com/pm/feature/57020/blink-182-no-sell-out/

Here's a choice sample:

People tend to think in terms of polar opposites, as anthropologist Claude Levi-Strauss famously observed. He argued that our worldviews are structured in terms of opposites that organize our experience. But the poststructuralists who came after him pointed out that seeing the world in black and white is overly simplistic. The practice of deconstruction reveals that these dichotomies are actually also affinities, that the opposites rely on each other in order to mean anything at all.

And that's fine. Seriously, saying pop & punk can be reconciled because of some Claude Levi-Strauss theorem about dichotomies being affinities: I could just happily pretend I didn't hear you say that and move on. Therefore, the argument goes, Johnny Rotten's complaints about Blink 182 are ill founded, because while the Sex Pistols were apparently a real punk band (huh?) and Johnny Rotten ever knew anything about punk rock between 1978-2008 (wha'?), when Blink 182 invented pop punk (say-say-say-say whaAaaA?), they were, y'know, validated by poststructuralism or whatever.

Oh, Housley, you magnificent bastard. Have you ever heard of the Ramones? Yes, of course you have. Have you ever HEARD the Ramones? They were, arguably, the first punk band (y'see, buddy, it sort of depends on how you characterize the Stooges, the MC5, the New York Dolls, maybe the Sonics...oh, nevermind). Their first album was released in 1976. That was kind of a long time ago. Does their music, perhaps, sound poppy to you? Does it sound like--despite the driving guitars, ferocious time and crazy lyrics--maybe it's using conventional pop and rock song structures, kind of like if the Beach Boys were from Queens and dropped out of high school?

Or let's go even further back in time. Ever heard of the Modern Lovers? Not exactly the most obscure band in the world, I'm not asking you if you've heard of a band that provided a bonus track to a reissue of a Killed by Death compilation that only released one song on audio cassette. You know: the Modern Lovers. Actually, your realest punk band ever, the Sex Pistols (WHAT?!?!?), a/k/a Walt Disney prezeeeents the Sex Pistols, even covered "Road Runner." Yeah, well, depending on who you ask, they were either a punk band or protopunk. Well, everything off their first album was recorded in 1972. Released a bit later, but that's when it was recorded. Does any of it sound, hmmm, maybe like it's kind of poppy? Maybe, let's say, a poppy kind of punk? What should we call that? Can we call it down the middle and say "pop punk"? Just checking. That sounds like a useful term. Oh yeah, how about the fucking Vibrators, for the love of God? THE BUZZCOCKS??!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!? They were the poppiest thing ever. How about the goddamned Undertones? None of these bands are the slightest bit obscure if you've ever heard of punk before Jacques Derrida's corpse bought you your first Simple Plan album.

But forget the first wave, maybe they don't count. Let's not count them. Seems like an arbitrary decision, but fine. Let's deal with that vast wasteland between 1979-2000 or 1999 or whenever the hell it is Blink-182 broke and also invented pop punk. Or maybe Green Day helped invent it back in '94, though you never really mentioned that (which is fine, because it would just have been additional bullshit). Either way, they brought back punk music and made it poppy, because it had gone extinct in the meantime and all sounded like Crass, apparently. You can go look up Crass in the index of your postmodern reader, if you must.

Anyway, consider this like a library list of bands you should look into before your next opus on this subject: Social Distortion (70s-90s), Naked Raygun (80s), The Descendents (80s-90s), Screeching Weasel (80s-90s), Gaunt (90s), the Queers (80s-90s), The Vindictives (90s), The Parasites (90s), the Beatnik Termites (90s), Weston (90s), Jawbreaker (90s), The Invalids (90s), The Mr. T Experience (80s-90s), virtually everything on Lookout!, Pop Mutant, or Mint Records... That is not exactly an exhaustive list by any stretch of the imagination, by the way, just off the top of my head albums that happen to be sitting across the room from me. Hey even NOFX (maybe especially them, if we're talking the Southern California version of pop punk, which I sort of hate). They got together in 1983, for what it's worth, so they weren't just stealing Blink 182's poststructuralist "invention," if anyone requires that clarification. With the exception of NOFX, none of these pop punk bands--pop punk being a well established genre of punk music since the 1970s, for fuck's sake, I must remind you--sound exactly like Blink 182. Some are more Ramonesy, more Chicago style, etc. Blink 182 do, however, sound almost exactly like some NOFX songs, because, y'know, they were WRITING A FORM OF SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA POP PUNK MUSIC THAT WAS WELL ESTABLISHED BEFORE THEY WERE OUT OF FUCKING MIDDLE SCHOOL.

Blink 182 didn't invent anything. In the interest of full disclosure, they were a halfway decent band, they wrote some hooky stuff, if not exactly my cup of tea. However, they didn't usher us into a poststructualist, ney, even a post-poststructuralsit utopia in which anything is possible--because "pop" and "punk" were finally together despite how mindblowing that is to people without your particular variety of masters degree. Have you ever HEARD "Oh, Oh, I Love Her So" by the Ramones? Seriously. Don't ask John "Rotten" Lydon's opinion. He doesn't fucking know anything. I used to be in grad school myself, and one of the keys to sourcing something halfway decently is to find a source that has the slightest idea what the hell they're talking about. Y'know, this isn't exactly an anti-intellectual thing, because: (A.) You're ignorant, so it doesn't apply; (B.) I'm actually glancing over at my bookshelf at an ol' winner titled Gendered Strife & Confusion. Oh yeah, I've done the grad school thing, chief.

Anyway, the following paragraph implies--if a little late--that he may be talking about popularity and a pop sound rather than a pop sound exclusively, which the earlier part of the essay shows is not in fact true, but I digress & will happily pretend that's the argument:

The core of Rotten’s and others’ resentment of pop punk was in the new prominence of the punk aesthetic in pop culture. The backlash against Blink 182 was the last throes of an identity crisis, a desperate attempt to keep the purity of the old categories by denying the punkness of something popular. But denouncements of pop punk didn’t kill it. Appeals to the virtues of the original punk mentality fell largely on deaf ears.

Whatever, dude. The Ramones tried to break their whole career. They were in movies. Their famous t-shirt is iconic in the US and around the world. They've been on movie & television soundtracks for 30 years. Their earliest albums make it into "top albums of all time" lists all the fucking time. Social D got a shitload of radio play in the 80s and 90s, "Story of My Life" was a video on MTV in 1990, and they were on Sony Records for chrissakes. I should mention "Punk Rock Girl" by the Dead Milkmen was also popular on MTV in those days, although I'm going to guess you've never heard of them either. Screeching Weasel & the Queers sold quite well for punk bands (and remember when what's-his-face from Green Day wore that Screeching Weasel t-shirt for, like, an entire tour back in '94/'95?), and influenced bands all over the place.

Despite the pretentiousness of the essay--which would be fine if you knew what you were talking about, I guess--you have no idea what you're talking about. Really. REALLY. Instead of being offended, take a deep breath and save the cultural studies analysis for something you actually know something about, it tends to work better that way. Then you can actually get away with scoffing at charges of pretentiousness, because your "scholarship" (reminder: we're talking about Blink 182, in case anyone forgot) wouldn't be an abject failure.

In closing, I'd like all of my friends to understand why I'm quite literally about to commit suicide. After reading it, maybe you'll understand. Before shooting myself, I do, of course plan on examining what Wittgenstein might have to say about the dialogue in The Wire teleplays and submitting to Pop Matters, but after that:

The old narratives of “punk”—as philosophically impossible as all narratives, even in its inception—could no longer hold together in light of a radically new culture. The old pop/punk opposition no longer fit, and pop punk, the manifestation of pop culture’s deconstruction, left the constraining categories behind. Blink 182 may be able to do the same for you.

Jesus Christ.

The Great First Tracks, vol. 2: "I Just Want To Have Something To Do" by The Ramones

2008-07-09T21:27:00.000-07:00

Wait a minute, someone might say. If these are truly the GREAT first tracks, how in the hell do you skip over "Blitzkrieg Bop" and choose that song from Rock 'n Roll High School, when the Ramones show up in the back of convertable with Marky playing a set of drums that are clearly in the driver's seat? You're just being difficult. Well, maybe. But do you really WANT me to pick "Blitzkrieg Bop"? Nah, I'm going to stick with "I Just Want to Have Something to Do" off Road to Ruin, the 4th Ramones album and one of the last real ones, or, depending on who you ask, the first fake one.

To further digress, Rock 'n Roll High School is pretty painful, but hey, it features Ramones, and Joey talking about pizza to some 30 year old woman playing a high school girl. The Ramones were the single most important rock band in the United States. I've only recently come to terms with that, deciding that rock 'n roll could have gone on alright without either the Velvet Underground or the Pixies. CCR and Pavement were nice too. Bob Dylan isn't a group, idiots. I could give a fuck all about the Grateful Dead, who aren't a rock band anyway. All the other best and most important bands of earlier eras were from the UK.

Without the Ramones, we'd still be listening to that 45 minute dicking around on guitar prog shit, or maybe just Gordon Lightfoot. In 1976, it was all over. Really. Check out the top songs sometime. Actually, you could do that for almost any year after the late 60s including the vast majority of my lifetime, but the mid-70s were particularly awful. Ramones is one of the best and most important albums anywhere, ever, and every band you like today wouldn't exist without it, even if they're cool and fashionable and sensitive and complicated and everything else the Ramones certainly weren't. I'm surrrious. It doesn't even matter if you like them, you'd better recognize objective reality, sucker.

Anyway, I didn't choose "Blitzkrieg Bop" because it's kind of like answering that your favorite vegetable is iceberg lettuce. Think about it. Additionally, I have nothing to say about that song anymore. No disrespect.

I also considered "Glad to See You Go" off Leave Home, and even "Rock 'n Roll Radio" off End of the Century. I really do love "Glad to See You Go," but think it doesn't have quite the same impact on a first listen to Side 1, Track 1, considering it took me about 12 years to not skip over it (I'm not sure why). Rocket to Russia's "Cretin Hop": yeah, it's pretty good, but great it's not.

I'm not much of a dancer, nor am I too adept at looking cool in public. That's made even worse when I hear this song, and I will occasionally at the Model in Allston or Roots & Razors, a punk/reggae night at ZuZu's in Central Square. I actually feel the need to throw my fist up in the air, kind of like they do in Rock 'n Roll High School. I can't pull it off, because I really can't pull just about anything off. I'm a 145 pound Jewish boy, Then again, so was Joey, but he had the misfortune of spreading that weight over a 8 foot 11 body.

What to be said of "I Just Want to Have Something to Do"? It was one of the last truly ballsy punk numbers they recorded, as far as I'm concerned. Having said that, it's nowhere near as raw and raging as their earliest stuff, which is what I always remember when I switch back to something like "Loudmouth" after listening to these later rockers.

Tonight, Tonight, Tonight

Tonight, Tonight, Well Alright

Tonight, Tonight, Tonight

Wait! Now!

For what it's worth, I still liked them during their tamer middle period--hey, I even think End of the Century was a good album overall. But it ain't like it was.

I wish the version (track 37 on that there player in the corner) was the full track, but sadly, it is not, breaking up my very lucky streak of full length versions.

To make up for it, here's the scene from Rock n' Roll High School with the full version!

http://youtube.com/watch?v=ZNKC497sa0Q

Jesus, that movie sucked. I loved it.

And to answer your question, if I have to pick between Halfway to Sanity and Acid Eaters, I'd choose suicide, because even slowly bleeding out through your wrists has got to be a better option than "I'm Not Jesus." Hey, nothing lasts forever.

He's Famous If Ya Know Him: Richard Buckner

2008-07-07T09:21:00.000-07:00

Richard Buckner is not obscure, exactly, but he's one of those artists of whom I own several albums, but no one else I know seems to know him.

Richard Buckner's voice is a bit of an acquired taste. Perhaps it's the fact that his vocal warble makes him sound like he was born with a rare neurological disorder that continues to baffle all of Western science and medicine. I think it was Jackie Mason who once said that no one ever called a potato chip an "acquired taste," but brie is. I think that's supposed to mean that something being an acquired taste means that viscerally it's just not very good. I don't happen to agree, which is unrelated to the fact that Jackie Mason is a right wing psychopath, although I felt like mentioning that anyway.

Okay, so I suppose Richard Buckner has generally fallen under the umbrella of "alt-country." Incidentally, it's funny they call it that, considering it sounds a hell of a lot more like traditional country than the stuff on CMT. I think Toby Keith & Reba are probably closer to being an alternative to real country music, but whatever.

I like Richard Buckner, although I neither own nor have ever heard his first 4 albums, which I recognize is pretty lame.

The first selection is "Julia Miller" off 2000's The Hill, which is kind of like the Winesburg, Ohio (by Sherwood "I influenced Ernest Hemingway, apparently" Anderson) of albums. Or, alternatively, the Our Town of stuff that doesn't bore the shit out of me. It's mostly short biographical sketches of characters from some little town. "Julia Miller," for some reason, has always stuck with me as one of the saddest songs I've ever heard. The full effect requires the music, of course, but the lyrics speak for themselves:

We quarreled that morning
For he was 65
And I was 30 and I was nervous
And heavy with a child
Whose birth I dreaded

I thought over the last letter written me
By that estranged young soul whose betrayal
I had concealed
By marrying the old man

Then I took the morphine
And sat down to read
Across the blackness that came over my eyes
I see the flickering light of these words even now
“And Jesus said unto him, ‘verily I say unto thee: today thou shalt be with me in paradise…’”

Now that I'm in a wonderful mood, the next selection is "Were You Tried And Not As Tough" off 2002's Impasse. This is my favorite Richard Buckner song, and a decent example of his later less purely acoustic material. I love the guitar on this track. This song, as far as I can tell, does not involve the suicide of any pregnant women betrayed by her lover and stuck with a cruel older man in order to protect the lover. Unless it's all in the subtext.

Next up, we have "Invitation" off 2004's Dents & Shells. As someone who only got into Richard Buckner during that year, this is the first of his albums that I ever bought and this was the first track that really stuck out to me. As I always like to say, this track makes Donovan sound like fucking Megadeth.

And lastly, off 2006's Meadow we have "Canyon." What a mid-tempo rock(lite) song! The tempo's right in the middle, that's for sure. And it reminds me of something called rock but only--how to put this--li(gh)ter? Even so, I still like it.

So that's Richard Buckner fer ya. I hope you like it. I'll put up some more varied tracks later in the week.

Tracks 33-36 on yonder player.

The Great First Tracks, vol. I: "Disorder" by Joy Division

2008-07-03T07:37:00.001-07:00

I've decided to add a few entries on a very silly subject: Opening songs on great albums that really floor you. Some of them will be quite famous, I'd imagine, others might be from albums for which I'm one of seven fans.

To celebrate the impending Fourth of July, how about we start with a band from Manchester, UK?

In 1979, Joy Division released their legendary Unknown Pleasures. No "Love Will Tear Us Apart" was not on this album. Actually, that song was never on any proper studio album, it was a single that wasn't released until after Ian Curtis did himself in.

"Disorder" is in my estimation just about the most perfect post-punk song ever recorded. Actually, let me further parse just to say: I actually don't like the last 30 seconds of the song. I'm a young guy who didn't get into punk or post-punk until it was already archaic. Y'know, when Ian Curtis died I was only a month & 1/2 old (but don't worry, I already owned all their albums). So I wasn't around when shit like this was actually new. Even so, it just takes the first moments of the truly trascendent bass line, followed quickly by that "angular" (editor's note: ugggh) guitar to know this wasn't punk rock, but it probably couldn't exist if there hadn't been such a thing. At that moment in 1979, a thousand British wankers with mohawks traded in their safety pins for art school applications. They didn't get in though, becaues their LSAT scores weren't high enough.

I hate to do something so cliche as describe the guitar as "angular," but I suppose I have to surrender to the dumb vocabulary of music critics. And maybe that is the best word for it. Although perhaps if I call them "purple monkey dishwasher guitars" for long enough that bullshit will make some sort of sense to people too. I've still never used "shimmering" or "shoegazery" in any seriousness, so at least some ramparts have yet to fall.

Forget about 2008 for a moment, even though I don't think this song has lost any of its relevance or appeal. Interpol's career is climbing out of the grave, just wishing it had written this song. But imagine it's 1979, you bring Unknown Pleasures home from the chip shop where you bought it as a side order for your fish & a pint of Tetley's, you go home, jump into a bathtub filled with Old Speckled Hen and Drambuie, watch the Benny Hill news hour on BBC14, and the needle hits this record. Side 1, Track 1: "Disorder." Hey, it forced me to pay attention when I heard it when I was 19 in anno domini 1999. I can only imagine what it did when the radio (note: BBC1115) was playing "A Little More Love" by Olivia Newton-John all the fucking time.

Track 32 on yonder player.

"There Are Doctors And There Are Lawyers, And There Are Folks Like You And Me": This Week's Music: Camper van Beethoven

2008-06-30T21:23:00.000-07:00

All of the new songs for this week share a very important theme. That theme is that they are all by the same band! Lazy? Perhaps. But if you've never listened to Camper van Beethoven, perhaps you should consider this an introduction to one of the great bands of the 80s.

For those uninitiated, Camper van Beethoven was David Lowery from Cracker's real band. If you were in middle school in 1993 as I was, you probably remember Cracker's MTV smash "Low." Refresher: Black & white, boxing ring, Sandra Bernhardt. It was on every 14 seconds when MTV still showed videos. Oh what the hell: http://youtube.com/watch?v=lDPyep1Y0qE

It was a pretty decent song. But David Lowery had a real band called Camper van Beethoven throughout the 80s and into the early 90s, and then for whatever reason, back together since about '04. I like a good deal of CvB's music, but as you kind of have to sift through their stuff to find the gems, consider this a bit of an introductory sifting, free of charge.

The first song on the list is "Ambiguity Song" off of their 1985 record Telephone Free Landslide Victory. The most popular song from this album at the time--and probably their second most famous song after their cover of "Pictures of Matchstick Men"--is probably "Take the Skinheads Bowling," but I've always preferred this one. That track's worth a listen too.

"Some day soon, it will all settle down, but everything seems to be up in the air at this time," at one point, was about me, before I made current insane professional choice. And it will probably be about me again, sooner rather than later. "Ambiguity Song" is an 80s "college rock" (editorial note: yuck) classic, although I can never truly shake off my bias against rock songs over 6 minutes.

"Good Guys & Bad Guys" is probably my favorite Camper van Beethoven song, and it's off 1986's Camper van Beethoven. I love the semi-earnest, terribly dated Cold War lyrics. However, you could switch from: "This here verse is for the people in Russia" to "This here verse is for a scattered collection of loosely affiliated clandestine groups sharing an anti-American feeling based on the predictable aftershock of short sighted Cold War foreign policy decisions coupled with a dangerous reliance on fossil fuels, not to mention the stationing of American GIs in Saudi Arabia during the First Gulf War." Unfortunately, that doesn't rhyme with anything. "So just get high while the radio's on. Just relax and sing a song. Drive your car up on the lawn, and let me play your guitar." Honestly, that at least remains pretty decent advice.

Next up we have "Pictures of Matchstick Men" from 1989's Key Lime Pie, probably one of their most famous songs. I say that only because I think I've heard it on TV before, which is the only way I know how to gauge fame. Inconveniently, it's actually a cover version of a song originally performed in the 60s by a group called Status Quo. If you've only heard one CbV song, I bet it was this one.

Somewhat more randomly, I've added a song that I like a lot off of Key Lime Pie called "All Her Favorite Fruit." There's nothing too notable about this song, it's just a somewhat overlooked song in their catalogue. It's sort of a slow builder, and I just like it when he moves up an octave, because I'm a simple guy.

Lastly, for some reason no one can figure out, Camper van Beethoven recorded the entirety of Fleetwood Mac's bizarre 1979 album Tusk. Like, they just recorded the whole thing themselves. They made up a story about doing it in 1987 with some extra time, but they actually recorded it in 2001, marking their first time in the studio together for about a decade. I don't get it either. But strangely enough--and this is coming from someone who LOATHES Fleetwood Mac--I actually think some of their cover versions of some of Fleetwood Mac's weirdest material are pretty damn good. From that bizarre experiment comes "I Know I'm Not Wrong," my favorite from that album. "That's Enough For Me" is also really good.

So that's Camper van Beethoven for you. They are, as I mentioned above, back together. I have not heard their 2004 album, but despite the fact it's critically acclaimed and their fans seem to like it, I haven't been that interested. Did I just hear "Low" one too many times? Well, what's one more? http://youtube.com/watch?v=lDPyep1Y0qE

Tracks 27-31 on the player over yonder.

Boston Spaceships?!?!?!? Say Wha'?

2008-06-25T06:10:00.001-07:00

Robert Pollard, you son of a bitch.

For awhile in 1999-2000, Guided by Voices were my favorite band. I really wore out my copies of Alien Lanes & Under the Bushes, Under the Stars. "Quality of Armor" off of Propeller remains maybe the catchiest song I've ever heard. I really liked Bee Thousand, but thought when people said it was their best album that they were clearly nuts. I thought Vampire on Titus and Mag Earwig! were a bit better than given credit for, and Sunfish Holy Breakfast had my favorite Tobin Sprout Guided by Voices song ("Jabberstroker"). On the other hand, I thought Do the Collapse and Isolation Drills were as bad as everyone said, and Universal Truths and Cycles was completely overrated. Earthquake Glue & Half Smiles of the Decomposed were pretty good.

At some point I'll post some of my favorite GbV songs, but today is not that day.

Anyway, Guided by Voices broke up, but Robert Pollard continued to write the worst Guided by Voices songs (52 seconds long, no melody, meandering atonal guitar, the end), and remain involved in several side projects that did the same thing.

I had remained hopeful for a long time that Robert Pollard might return to form, but I think I gave up on that idea in about 2003 and never bothered to buy another one of his solo albums or side projects again.

But I just heard of his new project, Boston Spaceships, which will release their debut Brown Submarine in September. The album is described as "pop punk" with only a few (thankfully) "prog flourishes." I heard one of their songs, and it sounds like an above average GbV track, if not exactly exceptional. It only has one or two completely tuneless moments! But hey, it's one song, Robert Pollard wrote it, and it actually sounds vaguely like music, so for the first time in awhile I'm actually considering buying one of his albums.

For the record, lest I sound to scornful of "brilliant musical experimentation," all of Robert Pollard's "atonal moments" sound exactly the same. If you've ever heard them, you know what I mean. It's like the Groundhog Day of cringe inducing offkeyedness. Strike that, more like the She's the Man of offkeyedness.

You can find "Go for the Exit" off the forthcoming album as Track 26 on the player.

Here's there website: http://www.bostonspaceships.com/

No Rhyme, No Reason, No Sight: No Theme Holds These Tracks Together Apart From Our Common Humanity

2008-06-24T09:43:00.001-07:00

Just a few entirely random additions to the playlist. I suppose the glue to these tracks is that I know absolutely nothing about any of these bands. I've just run across these songs here or there.

First, there's Chairlift, who influenced the Rolling Stones, Haydn, Beethoven (the dog), and Lassie (the band). Their song is called "Evident Utensil." And they talk about a pencil. You really had to be there. The chorus is kind of like the girl from 4 Non-Blondes singing with some backing from that shaved head fucker from Aqua ("Come on Barbie/let's go party" (note: which will be on my tombstone, incidentally). I'm not 100% sure why this song went up. No offense, 4 Non Blondes lady.

I think Cheveu are from France. Their song is called "DOG." It reminds me so very slightly of Stereo Total, but mostly because of the slightly bored sounding Euro vocals. The guitar also has a bit of a Beat Happening quality, by which I mean it sounds kind of like the riff on "Bewitched." I never listen to lyrics unless they're out of this world, but I think this song is sexual or something. Maybe it's about femmes, doms, submissies (that's slang for femme-doms), into play, fat fetish with a twist of twink-bears, people who do mascots, and mish (French for "dominant femme-butch submissives NOT into play," who are the hottest thing going these days).

And Magic Wands sure seem English. Or Scottish. Or perhaps whatever people from the Isle of Wight are called (Puerto Rican?). Their song is called "Black Magic." I hope they tour Boston soon, so I can forget to check the papers and never know they were here in the first place, which is my favorite hobby.

Breathe Owl Breathe. They also exist. Just to come up with something to say, let's pretend they were founded in Baton Rouge in 1824 by a coven of Creole vampires who didn't realize covens are for witches. However, a one second internet search reveals they're from Michigan and human, which is far less interesting. They're song is called "Playing Dead," and luckily for everyone involved, is not about the Rust Belt economy but rather some other subject.

Tracks 22-25 on the playlist over yonder.

Three More Short Poems

2008-06-22T19:10:00.001-07:00

romance
i’ve had so many girls
file restraining orders against me
that I can no longer be
within 500 feet
of anywhere

classic cinema
there’s a line in employee of the month
where jessica simpson says
“you employees of the month are all the same”
it was then that I knew
that everything Muammar Qaddafi ever said about America
was true

existentialism
to paraphrase
jean paul sartre once said
time is too large, it can't be filled up
i'm going to guess
that he never had to fill out
student health insurance forms

1990s Boston Hardcore, Anyone? ANYONE?

2008-06-22T18:58:00.000-07:00

Oh, I almost forgot. I went to the Only Living Witness Reunion show this weekend! Yeargh.

I had my back to the pit, which caused me great concern for awhile. Then, once OLW started up, all of my fear of having to end the night with desperate spinal surgery quickly disappeared. Some seriously tatted, bad ass looking dudes were patrolling the pit, for sure. However, they were all 35, trying to bolster the energy they had in 1995 and failing. Their soft, old bodies were easily shaken off, and I only got cold cocked in the throat once. I now sound exactly like Carol Channing. I've been singing "Hello Dolly" while coughing up blood for about 20 hours at this point.

I was always too wimpy for hardcore anyway. I look terrible in basketball jerseys, and have only intentionally paralyzed 5 or 6 people in my whole life.

In any event, it was a great show, and because they ran out of songs they knew how to perform, played "December" twice. 40 year old hardcore dudes rejoiced everwhere, before calling home to apologize to the babysitter and make room in their Monday schedules for a chiropractic appointment.

The real highlight of the weekend however, was when my dear old friend Dan DiPace said that a David Lynch movie he saw but really didn't understand was Steel Magnolias. It may have been the first time in human history Inland Empire and a movie where Julia Roberts gets married and dies while Olympia Dukakis looks on while commenting sardonically have ever been confused. I laughed so hard I actually shed tears for several minutes, which is, shall we say, infrequent. Maybe yahaddabethere.

New Lo-Fi, Same As The Old-Fi.

2008-06-22T17:59:00.000-07:00

This week's selections are all low fidelity tracks by various groups not known as Guided by Voices, who are a whole discussion unto themselves. Robert Pollard is responsible for some of the very best and very worst songs I've ever heard. "Very worst" have been the rule and no longer the exception since probably 1997 or so, but he still comes out with a gem once in a while. Unfortunately though, most of his recent albums (6000 have been released in the last 2 weeks) break world records on filler content.

But enough of the insults, as I actually really like a lot of Guided by Voices.

First up, Times New Viking. They're from Columbus, Ohio and play lo-fi pop. For reasons mostly of geography, I'm going to have to assume therefore they just mercilessly ripped off Dayton's own GbV. The song is "DROP-OUT," and it's the most popular track off their most recent album, because I'm unoriginal and lazy.

And then there's Hallelujah the Hills. They're from Boston by way of Vermont. They're one of the better bands from Boston these days (which, I'm sad to say, is no difficult feat for the last, oh, 15 years or so). You can download their newest EP for free at their website, which is pretty solid. http://www.hallelujahthehills.com/. This song is "Wave Backwards to Massachusetts."

And what can you say about Crystal Stilts? Nothing, when you don't know anything about the band. I only heard them for the first time about 2 or 3 weeks ago. However, the song "Crippled Croon" is pretty catchy. I'm not even sure if Crystal Stilts qualify as lo-fi, maybe they're just "fuzzy." Well, too late now.

Finally, Tobin Sprout. I think I have all his albums, putting him in a category with Outrageous Cherry and Vitesse: bands that I own all of their recorded material, which may represent about 75% of their albums sales, because I don't know anyone else who listens to them. In any event, Tobin Sprout used to be in Guided by Voices when they were actually a good band. The song is "Since I...," which is a pretty decent song but far from my favorite, but it was the only one on Imeem and I didn't feel like uploading any of mine, because it would involve walking 4 feet into the other room. As far as I understand, Tobin Sprout is now pretty much a 50-something year old dad from Michigan who occasionally records.

Honestly, when I really think about it, lo-fi as a "sound" is really gimmicky and sort of stupid. When I think about all of the lo-fi songs and groups that I really like, it doesn't seem to have anything to do with the fact I can barely hear it and more to do with the fact that the music is actually really catchy. On the other hand, I prefer all the Guided by Voices albums that sound like they were recorded through a tin can in the cabin of a submarine, so maybe there's something to it.

This week's selections are tracks 18 to 21.

This Little Hook, Little Eyelid: Shearwater Plays with Frog Eyes at TT's on Friday

2008-06-19T08:20:00.000-07:00

What an odd show. The combination seems strange to me.

Shearwater's sweet, soft tunes will coax you into a crippling depression from which all hope is drowned in a sea of tears.

Frog Eyes is the soundtrack to a major psychotic episode.

Perhaps this concert is meant as a musical representation of bipolar disorder. In any event, it's a good one and I'd love to go. But I don't think I'll be able to make it.

Track 16 on the ol' player to your right: "Nobody," by Shearwater. The guy from Shearwater used to be in Okkervil River. Now he performs his sad bastard music full time. It's off Palo Santo. I haven't heard the new album (Rook?) yet.

Frog Eyes has supplied #17. It's called "Bushels" off their recent album Tears of the Valedictorian. Like all Frog Eyes songs, it makes me want to take a bite out of a human, or at least grant Charles Manson parole (while taking a bite out of him).

Speaking of Frog Eyes, Spencer Krug used to be in this band. Then he wasn't. Now I think he sort of is again, because apparently some people need to be in 14 bands at the same time (I'm only half kidding: Wolf Parade, Swan Lake, Sunset Rubdown, Frog Eyes, Fifths of Seven).

Oh yeah, The Evangelicals are also playing at that show. La dee dah. I don't care. They're overrated, by which I mean, if you show up to see them open, you're overrating them. Ouch.

The First Taste Is Free--At Mount Zoomer by Wolf Parade Released Today.

2008-06-17T14:35:00.000-07:00

I need some time to let this one sink in. It's a bit more complicated than Apologies to the Queen Mary. But some opening thoughts. For what it's worth, Wolf Parade are in the running for my favorite band. I think Spencer Krug & Dan Boeckner are two of the better songwriters you'll come across, and I don't look forward to the day they won't be in the same band anymore, which I have something of a nagging feeling is not that far away.

I prefer the debut album, honestly. Despite my psychotic need to continue to discover independent music, this basic maxim remains true: If it's described as "accessible," I usually like it more than those albums or artists more aptly described with "you're going to have to think this one over for awhile."

My version of "accessible" may be a bit strange to some (I think Frog Eyes & Sunset Rubdown are perfectly accessible), but basically, it boils down to this: you can add as many bells and whistles, surreal lyrics, bizarre sonic experimentation (layered over a decent pop song), and I'm down. The hook can even be lost in the thicket for awhile, not entirely discernable ("The Men Are Called Horsemen There" by Sunset Rubdown being a prime example), but it better show up eventually. The songs on the first album hooked me right away; on At Mount Zoomer that's less the case.

Strike that. I preferred the demos of the songs that later showed up on Apologies. Wolf Parade was actually one of those rare bands I was listening to well before they released their "big debut," mostly because I just followed Montreal music after living there for four years, and heard the demos almost right after they were available. The demos are equally, yes, accessible, but far rougher sounding. I vastly prefer the demo version of "We Built Another World," for example, as well as "Dear Sons & Daughters of Hungry Ghosts" and probably "Grounds for Divorce." But the album version of "Modern World" is much better than the one on the demo, sans synth & plus acoustic guitar. There were also some songs on the demos worthy of an album release, which makes me wonder what sort of quality songs were lost when Wolf Parade decided to scratch the songs they had written for a follow up because they were too much like Apologies, for those released today.

Speaking of which, I've always found Dan Boeckner to be a criminally underrated songwriter. I agree with the general assessment that Spencer Krug is a genius, but think Dan Boeckner gets the short shrift due to all the praise going his bandmate's way. I think Handsome Furs are really good, as a matter of fact, and many of my favorite Wolf Parade songs from the first album and demos are his ("Modern World," "We Built Another World," "This Heart's On Fire," "Secret Knives" (off a demo) and "National People's Scare" (ditto)). For the uninitiated, Boeckner's the crooner and Krug's the yelper.

But Spencer really is a magnificent songwriter. That being said, I'm just going to say that Dan's material on this album is far better. I like Krug's songs and have to mull them over a bit longer. But honestly, on a first take, they sound like Sunset Rubdown outtakes (and I happen to love that band, by the way). We'll see, I've only listened to it through once so far.

Anyway, the song I've added to the playlist is by Dan Boeckner, and it's called "Language City." This one has been available as a pre-released track for awhile, so it could have been done days ago and nothing new to those interested. It's track 15 on the player.

Precocious Teenagers, Or: "I Could Have Beat Up All These Guys When I Was 11 Years Old, And I Spent Most Of My Time Listening To Les Miserables"

2008-06-16T07:25:00.000-07:00

Well, they may not be teenagers anymore. The following are the LeBron Jameseseseses of harmless twee. They get triple doubles for harmless twee all the time.

Here's the rundown. Jens Lekman used to be promising. In fact, he wrote one of my absolutely favorite songs, "Black Cab." Then his 70s AM Gold sound really dug in its heels, and I don't like 70s AM Gold. He sounds like Burt Bacharach's grandpa these days, and Bacharach went to my ol' alma mater, so you know things must be serious if I'm being so insulting. Anyway, Jens Lekman used to be good. As far as I'm concerned, he's done.

Jeremy Jay is the new Jens Lekman. I know it won't be long until I don't like him anymore. But that day is not today. "Airwalker" is actually a lovely, catchy song for much the same reason as "Black Cab," ironically enough. It sounds like it was recorded about 30 years ago, it's hookie as all git out, and um, the dude's a teenager I think, and his name starts with J. He also wishes he lived in the mid-1970s, which is about the dumbest thing I've ever heard. Eerie.

Who else is a teenager? Oh, I dunno, how about that guy from Beirut? That guy from Beirut was born Zach Condon in that godforsaken hellhole known as New Mexico. I'm just kidding. It's more like a godforsaken hellatsealevel. Plus, they've got turquoise coming out the ass.

So, that guy from Beirut is very talented. I think he's the most talented of this lot, that's for damn sure. He may be 22 now, but he used to be a teenager. Remember those days? Come to think of it, I'm rather sure none of these dudes are teenagers anymore. Jens Lekman & Zach Condon are now definitely in their 20s, and for all I know Jeremy Jay is 41. But he sure looks 15.

From Jens Lekman: "Black Cab" is a classic. Nuff ced. "Julie" also represents a period of time before old Jens completely sold his soul to the spawn of Lucifer known as the Captain & Tenille, which is an anagram for "Rosemary's Baby sucked."

From Jeremy Jay: Both of these songs are from the Airwalker EP. His LP will be out very soon, I believe. Just in time for his 42nd birthday. "Airwalker" might make you want to dance down the street like life was some kind of terrible Pepsi commercial, if you were the type who has ever wanted to dance down the street.

The second song, "We Stay Here (Our Secret World)" makes Nick Drake look like fucking Andrew W.K.

From Beirut: "Mount Wroclai" from the Gulag Orkestar LP. The funny thing about Mount Wroclai: What the hell is it supposed to mean? There's a city in Poland called Wroclaw. It's pronounced Vraslav. He seems to be says Row-kleye. There's also no effin' mountain near it anyway. "Scenic World," from the Lon Gisland EP. Funny thing about this song: it's so much better than the original version on the Gulap Orkestar album I almost want to shoot somebody, but that probably would not achieve any desired effect. "Guyamas Sonora," from the Flying Cup Club LP. Funny thing about this song: nothing.

It has occurred to me that there's really no reason to take things off the player, it can hold hundreds of songs. It may become unmanageable, so we'll see. Anyway, this week's additions are tracks 8-14. Enjoy.

Random "Discovery" of the Day: Experimental Aircraft

2008-06-12T07:24:00.000-07:00

No, not the Spruce Goose. Although the Spruce Goose was pretty funny.

I was listening to a KEXP (Seattle radio station) podcast at work. Personally, if I have to sit through a bunch of semi-boring mid-tempo blaahmusic to find one really good song, it's worth it to me. I almost unsubscribed to this particular podcast because I don't listen to it that much, but I'm glad I didn't, because I heard a good'un today.

This song, "Upper East Side," is a pretty good, chug-chug-chugger. I've only heard it once, but I like it. I have a terrible attention span, even when it comes to music I enjoy, and I seldom can hold on to a rock song that's longer than 5 minutes, and this one's 6 1/2, but I didn't get bored with it.

I've never heard of Experimental Aircraft before, but apparently they've been around for 11 years and they're from Austin. I'll have to check out more of their stuff. I feel like when I randomly hear a track this way, I end up disappointed by the band, but we'll see. Apparently "Upper East Side" is off of their most recent record, and it's the first they've recorded in about 5 years.

I hope you enjoy. Ain't you lucky, it's a full version, Track 7, on the player to your right. Please enjoy.

You can legally download this track at the band's website if you like it: http://www.experimentalaircraft.com/. Just hit the audio link on the toolbar and select "Upper East Side."

Thank You, Damon & Naomi, Because I'd Developed An Immunity To Sleeping Pills

2008-06-10T21:55:00.000-07:00

So, Damon & Naomi are playing on Thursday. Damon & Naomi are sort of like Boston's answer to a gentle lullaby a mother sings to her baby, to which the baby responds, "even I'm too tough for this shit."

I don't really care for them. However, I do kind of care for the old 80s Boston band they were in with Dean Wareham from Luna, called Galaxie 500. Unfortunately, ol' imeem is a bit more inconsistent than I had first hoped, and each and every one of the three Galaxie 500 songs are but mere iTunes-esque 30 second clips, thus ruining the whole purpose of my summer website. However, once again, I think if you launch the player, and certainly if you visit the site itself, you can hear the full versions.

"Tugboat" is actually one of my favorite songs, and definitely their most catchy. The problem with "dream pop" is that it meanders aimlessly, the guy with the guitar playing an eternal game of mindless Windows Minesweeper for the benefit of no one. Then he remembers he was supposed to get something done that day, so after about the 8 minute mark the song is mercifully over. Well, "Tugboat" isn't really like that. Well, maybe for the last minute or so.

I also am a bit partial to some of the lyrics to that ol' classic:

"I don't wanna stay at your party
I don't wanna talk with your friends
I don't wanna vote for your president
I just wanna be your tugboat captain.
There's a place I'd like to be
there's a place I'd like to be
there's a place I'd like to bet
here's a place I'd be happy..."

Well, unfortunately, I get sea sick. But otherwise...

I've also added 3 random tracks that are here partially because they're full.

The Putters are a mid-90s Seattle Empty Records punky sort of band. I always liked the guitar on this one in high school.

Jason Collett, as I often remind people, is the most boring songwriter that I actually really like. I've seen him twice, which is twice more than I saw the Beatles. I also accidentally flirted with him once after a show, which is odd, because I do love Canadians, but (slightly) prefer the ones born with (or later acquired) a vagina.

And "All the Time in the World" by The Nips, a/k/a The Nipple Erectors, Shane MacGowan's old punk band before the Pogues were even a twinkle in "Powers double, neat, and keep 'em comin'" eyes. This is one of their great songs, and they have surprisingly many stand out tracks. I was absolutely shocked, while flipping channels (that old excuse) and running across Catch & Release starring none other than Jennifer Garner and a 12 ton Kevin Smith, to discover that they use this somewhat obscure song in the soundtrack, I believe during a momentous scene where somebody caught and released something or whatever.

Songs of the week, indeed.

My Prideful, Temporary Amusement

2008-06-09T11:32:00.000-07:00

Things have changed, since the internet age took over:
http://www.overheardatmcgill.com/

I get to pretend I still go there, and also read a few stupid things people say.

Random "Discovery" of the Day: Kind of Like if Interpol were from Scotland, and Occasionally Forgot They Were Interpol

2008-06-09T11:27:00.000-07:00

Well, they don't sound that much like Interpol. They're called We Were Promised Jetpacks, and they're from Glasgow, or Edinburgh, or Aberdeen, or something.

This isn't exactly the better of the two tracks I've heard from this band today, but I couldn't get my hands on the other to post. That one is called "Quiet Little Voices," sounds even less like Interpol (but way more Scottish), and you can hear it on their MySp*c* page if you like: http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendid=35958049

This one's called "Moving Clocks Run Slow." All Scottish bands sound like this these days. Guitar driven post-punk sounding stuff with some "heartfelt" vocals. You'd think everyone up there was a depressed grumbler. With Blackpool but a hop, skip and a jump away in the land of the Angles, you'd think everyone would be overjoyed.

Track 7 on the player.

Alternative Ulster: And People Say Northern Ireland Is Just A Big Pair Of Tits

2008-06-07T12:08:00.001-07:00

On the weekends, I think I will put up a playlist of artists from specific countries, regions or cities. Here we go. Unfortunately, only tracks 4, 5, & 6 are full on the embedded player. If you want to hear full versions of the first three, I think you either need to click the standalone player or visit the imeem site.

Region Background: Northern Ireland (Ulster, Scotland, Jr.) was founded in 1957, when Zeus gave birth to a turtle out of his skull. Unfortunately, it was inhabited by two warring clans: one that thinks Daniel Day Lewis kicked ass in In The Name of the Father, and another who quite frankly prefers lighter summer fare, like Requiem for a Dream. Northern Ireland also exports a number of products we use in our day to day lives, such as eternal dampness. Famous Northern Irelandians include: many actors who try to fake that Belfast accent where every sentence you say ends in a questioning inflection.

The Bands: According to an oft visited website of questionable accuracy, Stiff Little Fingers and the Undertones used to have it out over The Troubles™, because SLF talked about it a lot ("sensationalized it," according to the Undertones), while the Undertones just wrote songs about liking girls ("bunch of pussies," according to everyone).

Speaking of w-k-p-d-- articles that I can’t vouch for, apparently a record company threw away a demo of “Suspect Device” by Stiff Little Fingers, thinking it was, in fact, a suspect device.

Additionally, “Suspect Device” was featured in High Fidelity, where the anemic weirdo tells Roseanne’s daughter that Green Day was influenced by Stiff Little Fingers. Then he starts playing this song, and someone in the store said “Is this the new Green Day?” That’s when I could no longer suspend my disbelief that these characters were legitimate music nerds. Stick to the Beta Band, anemic weirdo. Nobody who’s ever heard a song before could mistake Stiff Little Fingers for Green Day, they sound absolutely nothing alike. The Descendants, maybe. Who’s the hyperventilating music loser now?

Both “Teenage Kicks” and “I Don’t Wanna Get Over You” were covered to death by the pop punk bands I listened to growing up, and I actually prefer The Queers cover version of the latter song to the original, because Joe King doesn’t sound quite as much like a woodland elf when he sings.

Also, the Outcasts. I’m sure they had some stories to tell. Probably still do, assuming they’re not all dead. Their stories probably start thusly: “Hey, anybody in our band, The Outcasts, have any amusing anecdotes to tell about growing up in Derry?” And then those stories end with: “no.”

“Self Conscious Over You” is the sort of song Screeching Weasel, The Queers, The Vindictives, and MTX would later perfect, but with the good fortune of not having to get through East Belfast army checkpoints to get to the recording studio.

Also, I particularly like “The Cops Are Comin’,” because it’s quite catchy and about murder. Catchy songs about murder are why the Industrialized West is beating the pants off all those other civilizations out there, because quite frankly, Chinese songs about murder never feature power chords.

These are my three favorite bands from Northern Ireland. This is partly aided by the fact that they’re the only bands I know from there. But I do like all of them.

Amazingly, 4 of 6 songs feature the double hand clap, which makes any song better.

You may wonder why I named this post "Alternative Ulster," but did not include that Stiff Little Fingers track. Actually, I don't really like that song.

Note: I took down the songs from last week, but if you feel like hearing any of them you can ask me and I'll put them up again.

Hayden Plays Tonight at Great Scott

2008-06-05T11:48:00.000-07:00

Hayden is an example of someone who was once rather popular (er, "in Canada"), had Neil Young produce one of his albums (this is supposedly some kind of good thing), and comes to the States and plays...Great Scott's. Well, here's hoping for a turnout of 30, although I suppose I've seen packed shows in there once or twice. I may not be one of the 30, but if you enjoy falling asleep on your feet, Hayden will do the trick, as he gently soothes you with all the songs about Thornhill, Ontario one person could ever hope to hear (my number was zero. But I still kind of like Hayden).

In the music player I've added Hayden's classic & depressing "Damn This Feeling" as Track 6. It's a live version, but still, it captures the album rather well.

The song is about someone who's depressed that their depression is ending. Oh, Hayden. You're like a Canadian Leonard Cohen. That doesn't really work. So let's say a Canadian Leonard Cohen who isn't Jewish.

"Damn This Feeling" is a track off his 2008 album In Field & Town.

It also contains the excellent lyrical snippet: "Women adored me/for the sad look in my eyes/now they ignore me/for getting on with my life."

The piano in this song is also quite beautiful. Take a listen.

"I think I'm healing, damn this feeling..."

Some Thoughts On This Week's Music

2008-06-03T16:17:00.000-07:00

I have installed an imeem music player so people can actually hear the songs I'm referring to. I'll try to cycle in a new list every week. The imeem player appears in the right column. If you don't see it, you probably need "java," whatever that is. And for whatever reason, some songs will not appear as full songs when embedded off the imeem site (songs 3 & 4 here), but rather 30 second iTunes-esque previews. Something about "permissions" from the artist to stream songs, even though if you're on the imeem site itself you can hear the full song. I don't know. But if you hit "launch standalone" I think they'll play in full on a popout player. In any event, songs 1, 2, and 5 from this week are all full versions, anyway.

Song #1: "Makin' Room for Youth" by Social Unrest (1981)
"Epic" is a funny word when it comes to punk music. It is often associated with bands that released 40 copies of one seven inch decades ago, and have been heard of by 85 people on planet earth. On that note, here's an epic track from epic SoCal hardcore band Social Unrest, from an epic 1981 seven inch. But in all honesty, I hear songs like this and don't understand why people hate punk so much. Did I mention that in addition to being epic, it's also seminal?

Song #2: "Parasites" by Ugly Casanova (2002)
Funny story about Ugly Casanova. Isaac Brock, of Modest Mouse fame, claimed that a mysterious stranger named Edgar Graham gave him versions of these songs he'd written under the moniker Ugly Casanova on a rough cassette tape, and then disappeared forever. In order partly to try to smoke him out, Isaac and some buddies recorded all of these songs using the name Ugly Casanova. Isaac Brock later admitted this was all made up, a story concocted to save him from having to be interviewed about the band. Yeah, Isaac. Making up a story about a mysterious stranger leaving songs behind is likely to lead to far less interviews than simply admitting you've put together some stupid Modest Mouse side project. Later, Isaac would accomplish several other feats, like being accused of date rape. Actually, that happened way before this album, and I have no insight into its truthfulness. As for this song, it's pretty good, if you like things that sound exactly like Modest Mouse in every conceivable respect.

Song #3: "I Can't Forget" by The Pixies (1991)
I can't tell you how upset I was to find out that there existed a studio recorded Pixies song I didn't have in my collection. Yes, I'm that pathetic. I was all the more disturbed to find out the song in question is a Leonard Cohen cover. How could this have happened? In any event, this song contains a truly fine example of Joey Santiago's revolutionary guitar work. It also contains the lyrics: "And I promise, cross my heart, they'll never catch us, but if they do, just tell them it was me." Oh, Lenny. Boston & Montreal, together at last. Well, other than when UMass students head north to puke on rue Crescent. Or when Quebecois head south to either take photos of the First Church of Christ, Scientist every day of the week, or get the shit beat out of them at Bruins games.

Song #4: "Hybrid Moments" by The Misfits (1978)
Mssr. Danzig shows off his pipes on this track like on no other. It's so catchy. My man is crooning. Unfortunately(?), my personal interpretation of this song is that he's in the middle of killing someone. If interpretting this song was a rorschach test, I'd be committed as criminally insane, because most people seem to think it's either about sex, or maybe a werewolf. Sorry, suckers. It's clearly murder.

Song #5: "The Swimmer" by Frank Black (2001)
Speaking of crooning, that's what Frank Black Francis does on this track. Some people say Frank Black's solo work sucks. I only agree 45% of the time. This is not one of those times.

Poems About World Politics

2008-06-03T11:52:00.000-07:00

spanish bombs
the downside
of the spanish civil war
was that it ushered in
four decades of fascist dictatorship
on the upside
no mudvayne albums had been recorded yet

the caucasus
when armenia and azerbaijan start sniping
at each other
i never know who to root for
tom clancy better get on this shit soon
write a book called "the crimson cougar" or something
to let me know who's the bad guy
if he's not too busy
trying to get thrown on the funeral pyre
of zombie ronald reagan
instead

nafta
everytime someone says
"canadian softwood lumber"
in a nafta fight
i always picture gordon lightfoot
apologizing to a prostitute
who's just relieved
to get her cash
without having to do anything
until she realizes
she now has to hear
acoustic versions
of "if you could read my mind"
performed in the nude
for like an hour
yeah,
nafta sucks

And Here's One, Plus One

2008-06-03T10:23:00.000-07:00

reflections on boredom
people talk about
"being bored to death"
like it's such a bad thing
but if you've got to go
it sounds a lot better
than hemorrhagic fever

in honor of our founding fathers
if our founding fathers
had ever seen
the fast and the furious: tokyo drift
they probably would have called off
this whole country
and then nuked japan
oh wait
that second part actually happened

Even More Short Poems

2008-06-03T09:43:00.000-07:00

sketches
if there was a yiddish version
of saturday night live
and i was a staff writer
i'd write a sketch called
Chef Goy-ardee
it would air at 12:55 AM
and illicit no laughs
but one very serious lawsuit
from the catholic league
i'd then write one called
"if vin diesel was a ganif"
and then get totally fired

daydreaming
when i daydream of shannyn sossamon
especially when she was in that piece of shit
"rules of attraction"
do you think she daydreams
of law students
with lactose intolerance
and blogger accounts?

lucky penny
penny penny
on the ground
you just doubled my gross income
for the 2007-2008 calendar year

memories
do you remember
when they cancelled nightline?
me neither.

grad school daze
if anyone in here
says
"gender through the prism of otherness"
one more time
i'm going to murder suicide
every motherfucker in this joint

More Short Poems

2008-06-03T07:38:00.000-07:00

career ambitions
you could make a lot of money
as a throat surgeon
who specialized in
death metal singers
not because singing like that
must hurt their throats so badly
but because
if you just take out their voiceboxes
i'd probably pay you like a million dollars

puppies
rolling around
with furry little puppies
climbing on your face
probably isn't so fun
if you've got contact determititis

the nauru national anthem
this country may only be 8 miles long
and have 9 thousand people
but we needed to be free
because australia's filled with assholes
and queen elizabeth ii makes the marshall islands
look like the federated states of micronesia
if you catch our drift

Some Short Poems

2008-06-02T21:55:00.000-07:00

Suze Orman
i'd say that Suze Orman is
everything that's wrong with everything
but then i remember hitler existed

the auld triangle, revisited
brendan behan once wrote
he wished he dwelled in the women's prison
i'm not sure how much time he spent
around women
convicted of credit card fraud
at safeway

in loving memory
this year
to mourn the passing of ian curtis
i'm going to listen to
love will tear us apart
over and over again
because i don't know any other joy division songs

hope dies
i used to say i wanted to live forever
until i remembered
there's no end in sight for 3rd rock from the sun's
syndication deal
so it really isn't worth it

If You Try Acting Sad, You'll Only Make Me Glad

2008-06-02T15:11:00.000-07:00

I imagine this will be mostly about music, and maybe some photography.

The blog title is from my favorite Rolling Stones song, as is the title of this post.

The original title of this venture was meant to by Hybrid Moments, from a Misfits song, but that was taken. I suppose it's a lucky thing, as if I'd successfully snagged the Misfits title, I would have had to design this webpage with far more corpses. As it stands, there will only be a few corpses, mostly the Rolling Stones.