And I don't even have to apologize to They Might Be Giants, because both Johns were actually from Lincoln, and went to Lincoln-Sudbury due to Sudbury's charity for its much smaller--and only slightly richer--neighbor.In fairness, the frontman was from Mattapoisett, which, quite frankly, sounds made up. But the other 4 were all Sudslingtonbury, all the time. You can tell by their aloof demeanors, occasional harumphs, and general superciliousness.
Yes, I'm talking about the one and only The Lombardies.
This band proves a few points. One, that my dear old friends from home managed to put together a garagey pop punk band that could stand with any "real" band of that genre (a definition "real"=I didn't know them personally). If you like this stuff, this was a legit, good band. They got some kickass reviews. They put on a great show.
Point two: it goes to show that what the Black Lips said about "Bad Kids" ain't true. "Ain't no college grad kids"? This band counts among its members a neuroscientist, a Manhattan ad man (I think), and law review top-o-the-class lawyer type. My apologies to the other two blokes, but we've lost touch.
So, first up, here's the song "Bad Kids" from the Black Lips. It's a great song, but they never met The Lombardies. It has nothing to do with anything, but you can find it as track #71.
Or maybe they just weren't bad kids at all, which is more likely, but less fun to falsely reminisce about. I mean, now that I think about it, they were occasionally given a hard time by the crusty punks of the world (The McVeighs, August Spies, Pinkerton Thugs (edit: Whoops, I think I meant to say Toxic Narcotic...perhaps the first time in history anyone wrote "Pinkerton Thugs" when they meant T.N., etc., etc., I'm looking in your direction) for wearing khakis and 3 button shirts on stage. But in a way, that was more punk than trying to look like an extra in Return of the Living Dead. Remember?
Incidentally, The McVeighs' band name aged worse than any in history, other than the late, great 1914 glam metal band from Rostov-on-Don, Czarism is Here To Stay.
Incidentally, Return of the Living Dead is enjoyable for a sucker like me who manages to both be obsessed with zombies but fearful of blood and gore, and Juwanna Mann is in it.
On to their music: the first two tracks, if memory serves, were inspired by yours truly in some small way.
The first is called "Women Are the Problem," which I apparently said at some point. While I've now been beaten half to death by all these gender studies courses I keep being forced to take by the Commonwealth of Massachusetts as part of one of my several plea agreements, I might still say something like that occasionally. It is track #72.
The second song I'm posting is "Third Rail for You," which more or less derives from myself telling a young lass I knew that I should toss her on the "third rail" of Boston's own decrepit MBTA. You know, the one that electrocutes you. I was kidding, I swear. This song has a bit longer of a backstory: there were very briefly plans for me to front a band called The Plug Uglies. We were all going to wear suits and ties. Steve & I even sat down to try to start to write a few songs. One was "Who the Fuck is Mumia Abu Jamal?" inspired by the fact that I'd been handed literature about him and didn't know who he was. Yes, that's how songs get written, at least when I'm involved. I have since learned who Mumia Abu Jamal is, and I'll say this much: (a.) he didn't get a fair trial, due in part to systemic racism and a heavy bias against his radical activism; (b.) he totally did it anyway. Sorry. Track #73.
Long story short, it became apparent after our one recording session that this band wasn't going to work. I wasn't a musician. All I had to do was sing of course, but I think my voice hadn't dropped yet at 16. Not long thereafter, the Lombardies came along, those bastards. I have no recollection as to whether any part of my original lyrics or the original music for that aborted super group actually made it into this version, but I'm going to say a safe guess is no.
The next two songs have nothing to do with me, I swear.
"I Wanna Take Advantage of You Baby" and "Mystery Girls" are my two favorite songs by my ol' friends. Please enjoy. If I recall correctly, "Mystery Girls" is named after a long gone and temporarily minorly famous Cambridge, Mass. based punk radio show (from the 80s, maybe? I can't pretend to have ever heard it). And "I Wanna Take Advantage of You Baby" has led to every member of the band having restraining orders filed against them by everyone, ever. They can be found in positions #74 & #75 on that playlist.
I was never as dedicated to the Lombardies as I was to the previous entity with some of the members and a couple other friends of mine, The Grovers or Grover Clevelands. That is, I went to literally every Grovers show save one, and I didn't do that for the Lombardies. But they were really good. It has only dawned on me in the last few years that they were such a tight band and that actually going for it--at the age of 16-17, for fuck's sake--and recording an album that got pressed and got out there was awesome. So take your National Honor Society and shove it up your ass, losers, and try really accomplishing something for a change. Like coming up with an idea like "Third Rail for You," starting a band, having that band disband because you can't do anything, then having a new one take that idea and make an actual song out of it!!!
LOMBARDIES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
2 comments:
hey i was in the thugs and i don't remember ever playing with the lombardies let alone ever giving them crap. maybe it was the unseen? only one of the thugs even dressed "punk rock."
Please forgive my poor memory and clumsy sentence structure. It was the McVeighs that gave them a hard time, and kind of in a subtle way. It doesn't come across from the way I wrote it though, I'll probably make a quick edit...
And honestly, as far as the "crusty" thing goes, I obviously (in retrospect), wasn't even thinking about the Thugs. Not sure quite how that happened.
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