Precocious Teenagers, Or: "I Could Have Beat Up All These Guys When I Was 11 Years Old, And I Spent Most Of My Time Listening To Les Miserables"

Well, they may not be teenagers anymore. The following are the LeBron Jameseseseses of harmless twee. They get triple doubles for harmless twee all the time.

Here's the rundown. Jens Lekman used to be promising. In fact, he wrote one of my absolutely favorite songs, "Black Cab." Then his 70s AM Gold sound really dug in its heels, and I don't like 70s AM Gold. He sounds like Burt Bacharach's grandpa these days, and Bacharach went to my ol' alma mater, so you know things must be serious if I'm being so insulting. Anyway, Jens Lekman used to be good. As far as I'm concerned, he's done.

Jeremy Jay is the new Jens Lekman. I know it won't be long until I don't like him anymore. But that day is not today. "Airwalker" is actually a lovely, catchy song for much the same reason as "Black Cab," ironically enough. It sounds like it was recorded about 30 years ago, it's hookie as all git out, and um, the dude's a teenager I think, and his name starts with J. He also wishes he lived in the mid-1970s, which is about the dumbest thing I've ever heard. Eerie.

Who else is a teenager? Oh, I dunno, how about that guy from Beirut? That guy from Beirut was born Zach Condon in that godforsaken hellhole known as New Mexico. I'm just kidding. It's more like a godforsaken hellatsealevel. Plus, they've got turquoise coming out the ass.

So, that guy from Beirut is very talented. I think he's the most talented of this lot, that's for damn sure. He may be 22 now, but he used to be a teenager. Remember those days? Come to think of it, I'm rather sure none of these dudes are teenagers anymore. Jens Lekman & Zach Condon are now definitely in their 20s, and for all I know Jeremy Jay is 41. But he sure looks 15.

From Jens Lekman: "Black Cab" is a classic. Nuff ced. "Julie" also represents a period of time before old Jens completely sold his soul to the spawn of Lucifer known as the Captain & Tenille, which is an anagram for "Rosemary's Baby sucked."

From Jeremy Jay: Both of these songs are from the Airwalker EP. His LP will be out very soon, I believe. Just in time for his 42nd birthday. "Airwalker" might make you want to dance down the street like life was some kind of terrible Pepsi commercial, if you were the type who has ever wanted to dance down the street.

The second song, "We Stay Here (Our Secret World)" makes Nick Drake look like fucking Andrew W.K.

From Beirut: "Mount Wroclai" from the Gulag Orkestar LP. The funny thing about Mount Wroclai: What the hell is it supposed to mean? There's a city in Poland called Wroclaw. It's pronounced Vraslav. He seems to be says Row-kleye. There's also no effin' mountain near it anyway. "Scenic World," from the Lon Gisland EP. Funny thing about this song: it's so much better than the original version on the Gulap Orkestar album I almost want to shoot somebody, but that probably would not achieve any desired effect. "Guyamas Sonora," from the Flying Cup Club LP. Funny thing about this song: nothing.

It has occurred to me that there's really no reason to take things off the player, it can hold hundreds of songs. It may become unmanageable, so we'll see. Anyway, this week's additions are tracks 8-14. Enjoy.